Talking Turkey

A little fowl fun. Turkey or goose?

While the old birds shopped for Christmas presents, Felix and Mort made their annual Black Friday visit to the local tavern to plan Christmas dinner. They’d taken charge of the cooking years ago, and ever since the first year – when they’d admittedly ruffled a few feathers – the girls happily had left them to it.

They pored over recipes and shared reviews while Phil, the barkeep, kept the bourbon flowing. Felix spread out his clippings and arranged them into piles. “Time to talk turkey.”

Phil leaned on the bar. “Having turkey this year?”

“Goodness no!” Mort shook his head so hard his chin wobbled. “Goose! We always recommend goose.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “What about Christmas traditions?”

“I’ll have you know, goose has a very long history.” Felix searched for the magazine article. “All the way back to the ancient Egyptians. Did you know that Marco Polo reported seeing geese in China? And Queen Elizabeth ordered that goose be served every Michaelmas in honor of her victory over the Spanish Armada.”

“But what about Ben Franklin?” the barkeep pointed out. “He was a big fan of turkey.”

“A turkey if there ever was one.” The two cooks laughed. “He should have stopped at electricity.”

“Nothing beats goose,” Mort said. “Goose fat has a far better flavor than peanut oil. Some people even save it for cooking. Did you know you can buy pure goose fat on Amazon?”

Phil shook his head. “My wife hates all the grease.”

“Aah…” Felix said, taking Phil under his wing. “But everything about roasted goose tops turkey. The skin is crispy. A goose is juicier than a turkey, and its dark, succulent flesh has a distinctively rich flavor all its own, with just the right amount of gaminess. Most importantly, the meat isn’t dry; it flakes off the bone.”

Mort’s beady eyes turned dreamy. “Alongside the golden goose, I’m thinking airy potato dumplings, red cabbage, and a baked apple with lingonberries. And apple sausage stuffing.”

“And liver paté,” Felix added, waving a recipe like a flag.

Mort sifted through the piles. “Shredded confit! Or we can pack the meat into pastries for deep-fried goose spring rolls.”

Phil replenished their bourbon and slid a recipe from the pile nearest him. “Goose crown pink with celeriac and cranberries. I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds good.”

Felix sighed. “We need to make a decision and get our ducks in a row. How about classic orange and thyme-scented goose? With all Mort’s fixings.”

“Sounds perfect.” Mort beamed. “We should slow-roast for 4-5 hours at 120C. We’ll still get crispy skin, but the breast will stay tender. Then for the last half hour, we’ll turn the temperature up to 220C.”

“You’ve convinced me,” Phil said, topping off their glasses. “I’m trying goose this year.”

“Your wife will love it.” Felix grinned and swayed on his perch. “Oh, my. I’m feeling loose as a goose!” He rested a wing on the bar, holding himself up.

Phil helped them gather up their recipes. “Time for you two turkeys to head home or your gals are going to cook your gooses.”

With a laugh, the two strutted from the bar, wattles wagging and tail feathers fanned. “We did it,” Felix chortled. “Another successful convert.”

“It was easy.” Mort danced a little turkey trot. “He was a sitting duck.”

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate.

And to those who don’t, I wish you a week full of gratefulness, love, and laughter.

157 thoughts on “Talking Turkey

  1. Happy Thanksgiving Dina


  2. markbierman says:

    Happy Thanksgiving, Diana! Loved the short story. i prefer ham or chicken. 🙂


  3. DutchIl says:

    Thank you for sharing the story!!… a stress free, mess free Thanksgiving here, a microwave meal, nothing with feathers… 🙂

    Hope you have the mostest, bestest Happiest Thanksgiving ever and until we meet again..
    May love and laughter light your days,
    and warm your heart and home.
    May good and faithful friends be yours,
    wherever you may roam.
    May peace and plenty bless your world
    with joy that long endures.
    May all life’s passing seasons
    bring the best to you and yours!
    (Irish Saying)


  4. That story was so much fun! I am actually having roast duck, red cabbage, stuffing, and German potato salad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That sounds wonderful, Bonnie. What a great meal. I’m glad you enjoyed the silly story. I wanted to head into the holidays on a light note. Have a lovely day of gratefulness with your loved ones. Happy Thanksgiving. 🙂


  5. acflory says:

    Oh! You really had me going there. I thought this was your sneaky way of posting a recipe! Love it. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. […] to D. Wallace Peach’s hysterical post from Sunday about cooking turkey. Here is the link: Keep […]

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Don’t forget Waldorf Salad. Grandma made the best salad and served it in a carnival glass bowl. I missed that so much.
    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well go ahead an make one, my friend. You don’t need to wait for next year. Food is such a wonderful connection to family traditions and brings back lovely memories. Thanks for stopping by and enjoy a week of gratitude, my friend.


  8. So cute. Happy Thanksgiving, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Loved this….so cute!! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Ocean Bream says:

    Hahaha, this was funny – we don’t do thanksgiving here but we do know a LOT about it from all the media, this really made me chuckle. I liked the little twist at the end, it made me chuckle. Reading this light-hearted piece also made me very hungry. Airy potato dumplings?! I had never heard of those, and when I did a quick google it had me drooling. Going to try my hand at them at some point. I hope you have a happy thanksgiving!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Almost Iowa says:

    Personally, I would never share a drink with a turkey. Just don’t trust them, but I would definitely have one over for dinner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha ha ha. I hope you’re having a turkey over for dinner this week, Greg. But if they turn you down, geese should be quite welcome at the table too. Thanks for the visit and for making me laugh. 😀 Happy Thanksgiving.


  12. Ann Coleman says:

    I love it! I didn’t see that end coming, but it was perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Such a compelling piece with an air of hilarity. Appetizing all the same. Geese and turkeys should find themselves cachettes this festive season 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  14. D.L. Finn, Author says:

    Happy Thanksgiving, Diana. I keep eyeing those goose next tonthe turkeys. Someday.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really like goose, Denise, but they’re much smaller than turkeys, so not good for more than four people. If you’re ever doing a small celebration, I recommend giving it a try. Thanks for the visit and Happy Thanksgiving. ❤ ❤


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