Every week, Chelsea Owens offers a prompt for her Terrible Poetry Contest. The submissions are all unequivocally terrible… soooo terrible that I eagerly await them, knowing that I’m going to laugh myself silly. This week’s topic should offer up some side-splitters. Want to try your hand at some terrible poetry? It’s harder than it looks!
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From Chelsea:
1. The topic is ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. This is my LEAST FAVORITE poem in the entire world – whenever it’s parodied. Therefore; I normally feel that every idiot who goes about with “‘Twas the night before Christmas” on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart; but this week you’re getting a pass. Strangely enough, I love the original. I have at least three favorite stanzas in there.
2. What’s the limit? For the love of my own sanity and yours, please keep it to eight or nine stanzas, maximum. That’s about the point of the original where we read I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
3. It’s gotta rhyme. At the end of the line. Make it fine.
4. Remember, remember: the poem needs to be terrible…
(For the rest of the rules, the deadline, and to read some terrible poetry entries: The Fifth Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest)
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And here is my terrible entry for this week:
Tis the afternoon that comes just before Christmas Eve
And I’m rushing around like you wouldn’t believe
The dog’s barfed up tinsel, my tree lights are dead
I couldn’t find any clear ones, but the minimart had red
Just like Trump’s hall of fiendish stalactites
Or with the points up, does that make them stalagmites?
I burned a batch of cookies for jolly old Saint Nick
Defrosted some corn dogs from July that even then tasted ick
No carrots for the reindeer. No veggies! I’m out.
January better hurry up, cause I’m all tuckered out.
Fa la fella fa, dee da dee da
Fifi folly duh, ta da, ta da!
Myths of the Mirror 
[…] by D. Wallace Peach […]
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So fun, Chelsea. I’m working on this. I loved the Terrible Poetry contests. 🙂
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Ha ha. This is wonderfully unique and amazing! I’d like to share this with others if it’s okay with you
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Certainly. Feel free to share. Chelsea’s contest is still going on with weekly prompts. I encourage you to visit her site. The current terrible poems are… terrible (and funny).
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As usual I am arriving to ugly poetry late
But at least I didn’t try to skate
For at seventy-seven, you see,
My former skills would definitely undo me.
Whatever happened to Christmas time,
When I was once filled with good rhyme?
Today, it is sad that I don’t know
A stanza from a piece of mistletoe.
Would you believe I wrote this on the fly?
And I can say I didn’t even try.
I know it’s way past New Year’s night
And so I’ll leave without a fight.
I bid you all adieu,
And return again
To write another for you.
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Oh, Anne. I don’t know if this is terrible enough. 😀 You have to be terribler. Ha ha. Chelsea is still running the weekly contest if you want to continue trying to be terrible. It’s great fun. Thanks for the poem!!
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Really? Worse than this? Do I send them to you or ??? Is there a new theme each week? I would probably send more, but it would be good to see the site and also see more of the terrible poems. This seems pretty rotten! Whoo hooo! Send me how I am supposed to send the poems and what to send (theme) so I know how to do it. Hugs, Anne
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The contest is run by Chelsea Owens. The weekly submissions are a hoot. Here’s a link to the latest prompt – Dumb Managers. Have fun!! https://chelseaannowens.com/2019/01/05/the-weekly-terrible-poetry-contest-3/
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[…] by D. Wallace Peach […]
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I love it when you write poetry 😆
“January better hurry up, cause I’m all tuckered out” – nailed it!
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Ha! Thanks, Joanne. December always feels rushed to me and it was fun to write a terrible poem about it. I wish you a wonderful holiday and amazing new year. 🙂
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Hello, Diana. I can’t come up with bad poetry. But I can come up with a book recommendation: I Am The Clay, a novel by Chaim Potok. He was an Army chaplain in Korea during the Korean War. The book is about the effects of the war on the Korean people. I read it a couple of months ago and liked it very much. Take care —
Neil Scheinin
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Thanks, Neil, for the recommendation. Happy Holidays.
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Ah, ha, ha! Wow. I didn’t know this was a thing, but you nailed it. You cracked me up. Happy Saturday! 😀 xo
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It’s a thing, Vashti, and it was so fun to just let go of all seriousness and try to be terrible. Many of the entries were hilarious and so clever. If you feel inclined one of these weeks, give it a try. 🙂 Thanks for the visit and Happy Holidays!
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Even when you’re trying to be terrible you’re impressive. It does seem like a blast. I may give it a try one day. Happy Holidays! 😀 xo
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I hope Chelsea keeps it up. If not, I may offer to take up the banner. Any excuse for a laugh. 🙂 It was so fun to just be ridiculous. ❤
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This was so truly terrible, D. You’ve …um.. improved (de-proved?) in a big way! My son particularly liked your bit about the dog barfing tinsel.
I liked so many aspects of yours and it only JUST lost out on being first!
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I knew someone would enjoy the barf. Ha ha. Thank your son for me for his terrible taste! It was a blast, Chelsea, and there was a lot of enthusiasm. Molly and I think you should publish a Terrible Poetry Book with at some point with the best of the terriblest. 🙂
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Oh, hey… that’s a terrible idea!
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Isn’t it awful? I can see it doing terribly well. 🙂
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[…] by D. Wallace Peach […]
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A valent effort, Diana, and one that made me laugh. It reminded me of watching a Christmas special of The Simpsons. What a great idea to write bad poetry.
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It’s a hoot, Hugh. And there are so many clever, funny, and terrible submissions. You would be very good at this (I mean that in a nice way, Ha Ha) if one of these weeks you’re inspired to give it a try. Thanks for the visit!
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lol, I know what you mean, Diana. My poetry is really bad. I may just give it a go one day. Knowing me, I’d produce something good, rather than something awful. 😂
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You have a great sense of humor, Hugh, which is the key to writing successful terrible poetry. It’s an art. Lol. And great fun.
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