Every week, Chelsea Owens offers a prompt for her Terrible Poetry Contest. The submissions are all unequivocally terrible… soooo terrible that I eagerly await them, knowing that I’m going to laugh myself silly. This week’s topic should offer up some side-splitters. Want to try your hand at some terrible poetry? It’s harder than it looks!
**
From Chelsea:
1. The topic is ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. This is my LEAST FAVORITE poem in the entire world – whenever it’s parodied. Therefore; I normally feel that every idiot who goes about with “‘Twas the night before Christmas” on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart; but this week you’re getting a pass. Strangely enough, I love the original. I have at least three favorite stanzas in there.
2. What’s the limit? For the love of my own sanity and yours, please keep it to eight or nine stanzas, maximum. That’s about the point of the original where we read I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
3. It’s gotta rhyme. At the end of the line. Make it fine.
4. Remember, remember: the poem needs to be terrible…
(For the rest of the rules, the deadline, and to read some terrible poetry entries: The Fifth Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest)
**
And here is my terrible entry for this week:
Tis the afternoon that comes just before Christmas Eve
And I’m rushing around like you wouldn’t believe
The dog’s barfed up tinsel, my tree lights are dead
I couldn’t find any clear ones, but the minimart had red
Just like Trump’s hall of fiendish stalactites
Or with the points up, does that make them stalagmites?
I burned a batch of cookies for jolly old Saint Nick
Defrosted some corn dogs from July that even then tasted ick
No carrots for the reindeer. No veggies! I’m out.
January better hurry up, cause I’m all tuckered out.
Fa la fella fa, dee da dee da
Fifi folly duh, ta da, ta da!
Myths of the Mirror 
😂😆😂😆 thank you! true to form on christmas eve! ❤️
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Thanks for reading my terrible poetry. There is a bit of truth to this… at least as far as my Christmas goes. Ha ha. My only option is to laugh about it. Glad you enjoyed the awful poem. 🙂
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I’m so glad I have come to know you, your warmth and positive attitude—- not menchion sense of humor has kept dark days at bay when reading your blog. Thank you Diana for being you ❤️🎄
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Thank you so much for the lovely comment. There are some special connections that happen here in the virtual world – as real as any that happen face to face. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my blog as much as I’ve enjoyed yours, Solitaire. I hope all your dreams for 2019 come true. Happy Holidays. ❤
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I love your sense of humor. Thanks for the holiday poetry chuckle. Happy Holidays 😊
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I’m glad you enjoyed it, Bel. I had so much fun just being ridiculous and silly. The holiday season is so hectic that I like to find opportunities to relax and laugh. Happy Holidays, my friend. 🙂
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You’re so fun! 🙂
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I try, Betsy. Any opportunity to be goofy and silly is fine with me. This was a blast and I enjoyed writing a terrible poem as much as I enjoyed reading the other submissions. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Holidays!
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If Clark Griswold’s Christmas had been expressed in verse rather than commercial cinema, this is what John Hughes would’ve written!
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Thanks, Sean. It was a blast writing something intentionally terrible, especially at this time of year when I often feel so much time pressure. Many of the submissions to Chelsea’s contest are immensely clever, and I get such a kick out of reading them. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Holidays to you and yours. 🙂
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You did a great job! I can’t stop laughing.
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Thanks, Robert. It was so fun to let go of the seriousness of writing and just be terrible. Ha ha. And some people are so clever. I think Chelsea’s contest is a blast. I’m glad you got a laugh. 😀 Happy Holidays!
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Happy Holidays, and thank you for being in my life. 🙂
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AMAZING! hahaha. I love this – I can’t even tell you how much! Thanks for bringing a huge smile to my face, Diana, I needed this. I have some bad news though…I don’t think you are going to win. It’s just too good!!! You need to work on being terrible! haha. Typing that made me laugh out loud. As if practice could help you be terrible, you are just way too talented and brilliant. Hope you are doing well! Big hug to you. xo
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Ha! Ha! So terrible that it’s good, Diana! 🙂
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Thanks, Jan. I had a blast letting go of any serious writing toil and trying to be terrible. The context gets a lot of terrible, but clever, entries. I’m glad you got a laugh out of this one. 🙂
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If this is a contest, you’re going to lose, Diana. Nothing ‘terrible’ about this. RT!
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There are some terribler ones, Jacqui, but this is pretty terrible. And harder than you think to write, though lots of fun. Thanks for the visit and I hope you got a laugh. 🙂
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LOL! I can see the terrible:
“And I’m rushing around like you wouldn’t believe”.
Love the contest idea, and I’m sorry I can’t enter because I’m also running around like…*sigh*
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Lol. They’re every week, Khaya, so you must try to enter someday when you aren’t running around like…. It’s so fun to just let loose and be terrible, and harder than it looks! Ha ha. I’m glad you got a laugh out of it. Happy Holidays!
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I wish I could commit this to memory for random recitation.
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Ha! This is pretty typical for the way my Christmases roll, Jay. I’m glad you enjoyed the terrible poem. It was a lot of fun trying to make it as awful as possible! Happy Holidays. 🙂
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Oh Boy!! Oh Boy!! A challenge to do terrible. I am a master at terrible (as everyone who knows me can attest).
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Ah! You have to give it a try, Greg. “My Terrible Poem” would make it a great post. The contest is super fun and the poetry is truly terrible. Good luck! Lol.
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You and Stan ought to enter!
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I agree. Wouldn’t that be a hoot?
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The badness of this poem is so bad, it has come full circle to become a sublime modern masterpiece. Well done!
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Ha ha ha. It was such fun, Mike, to try to make it really super terrible. But there are masters at terribleness that have me beat. Some are so clever. Thanks for the visit and I hope you’re getting more entries in your contest (not really since it improves my chances). Ha! Have a great day.
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This is terrible! Well done, Diana!
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Ha ha ha. Thanks for the, um, compliment, Jill. Lol. It was a whole lot of fun to write, and I’ve been enjoyed the other terrible submissions. Happy holidays!
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Love this! Sorry about the carrots and veggies. Happy Christmas, Diana! 🙂
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We usually leave carrots out from the reindeer, Sebnem, and I’m sure I’ll have some by Christmas. 🙂 Thanks for reading my terrible poem. Happy Holidays.
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Terrible vibes kept me away whole day! Lol, it was fun reading your poem Diana. 🙂
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Thanks, Balroop. All in good fun and laughter is rarely terrible. I’m glad you found the humor in the poem and the whole contest. Have a wonderful day. 🙂
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You did a great job with the theme, Diana. How fun!
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It was fun to let go of the seriousness of poetry and be silly, Mary. I’m all for trying to spread around some laughs, too. Thanks for visiting and appreciating the terribleness. 🙂 Have a wonderful day!
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I enjoyed this “terrible” poem. It brought such a big smile to my face.
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Thank you Anneberly. I’m glad this made you smile. I had a lot of fun trying to be a terrible poet. I recommend it. Lol. Happy Holidays!
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I think I will give it a try before Christmas, and possibly use the ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. It looks like fun. Happy Holidays to you as well!!
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Oh good! There are new prompts every week, so you might see what Chelsea comes up with next. They’re all “terribly” inspirational. 😀
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I gave it a try. It was so fun. Thank you for suggesting it. 😉
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I just went over and read it, Anneberly. Ha ha. Good one. I’m glad it was fun. 🙂
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Ok, you take the prize. I loved it! And loved that you threw tRump in there too. 🙂 ❤
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Thanks, Debby. I’m glad my terrible poem was a hit. Did you see the Christmas trees at the Whitehouse? Um… Here’s a picture: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/30/fashion/white-house-christmas-decorations.html
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Those red trees look like standing, shaggy rugs.
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Lol, oh yes, I don’t miss too much on the political front. Have you seen those trees memed with ‘white bonnets’ on them, as in – Handmaid’s Tale’? Scary stuff! 🙂
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Ha! Well done, Diana! I particularly enjoyed the Fa la fella fa, dee da dee da. I’ll be humming it all night. 🙂
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I made up about six of those Fa la la lines but edited most of them out. Yes, this poem was actually edited! Lol. Thanks for the visit, Steven. I’m glad you enjoyed my terrible poem.
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Terrible like a fox. 😊
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OMG, that’s great–er, I mean terrible, Diana! Heh, red lights. Dog barfing tinsel. Yep, Turrible 😀
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Thanks, Julie. It was so fun to just let go and really focus on being terrible. And harder than it looks! I’m glad it got the seal of disapproval from you. My job is done. 🙂 Happy Holidays!
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Fantastic… 😀 “D :D!
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Oh no, Bette. It’s supposed to be terrible, not fantastic. Ha ha. Fantastically terrible. Thanks so much for stopping by to read. Have a wonderful evening.
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Fantastic because it made me laugh! Enjoyed it to the full… ❤ Have a fantastic and festive holiday season, Diana! xo
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❤
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Terrible with a capital T,
are that spells trouble in
Christmas City, Diana.
If it wasn’t so comical, this
could be the theme song
for a yuletide tragedy, which
unfortunately, has the ring
of reality ~ Merry Christmas.
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Thanks for the capital T in Terrible, David. Sadly the Christmas lights on my tree are indeed dead, but I’m still holding out from some cheer by way of a little eggnog in my rum. 🙂 Happy Holidays!
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No use try to flog a dead
Christmas tree.
Be it ever so naughty, but
I’m sure a little eggnog in the
rum, won’t cause Santa Klaus
to pause 🎅.
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I would like to say you are great at terrible poetry, but it doesn’t sound right.
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Lol. Will you give it a try, Drew? I don’t know if you are capable of writing terrible poetry even if you tried. Thanks for admiring my terrible poem. I’m honored. 🙂
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Oh, yeah I am. LOL
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The best terrible poem ever! The dog, and the sausages, and the red light – everything is so wonderfully terrible! Love it ❤
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Ha ha ha. Thanks for making me laugh, Ineses. This has been a fun contest and there are truly some terrible poems surfacing in the blogosphere. Have a wonderful holiday season, my friend, full of laughter. 🙂
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You made me smile, Diana, and that is always a good thing, even if the poetry is supposed to be terrible. Haha! I’ll have to try my hand at this endeavor.
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Oh, you must, Molly. It’s been so much fun and there are some great terrible poems coming out of the woodwork. Be sure to post the link on Chelsea’s blog too. I can’t wait to read what you come up with!
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Teehee…so much wicked fun! You inspired me. Check it out if you’d like… https://realitywithatwistbooks.wordpress.com/2018/12/11/terrible-poetry-twas-the-night-before-christmas/
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I had to read the poem before I replied. That is SO FUNNY. Loved it. It is wicked fun, isn’t it? Perfect for the season. I’m still laughing….
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😀
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OMG Diana, this is hysterical! Thank you for making my day!! ❤
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You must give it a try, Dorinda. It’s so fun to try writing terrible poetry. You can post on your blog or enter your poem into Chelsea’s comments. She gets some really funny entries. 🙂 Glad you got a laugh!
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I’m pretty sure I’ve already written some pretty terrible poetry lol I will check out her blog 🙂
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I love your grumpy terrible and clever poem Diana. It takes a truly special mind and spirit to great something like this 😊
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Thanks, Val. All it takes is a dedication to silliness. It’s so fun to not be serious for a moment and write for a laugh. I’m glad you enjoyed my attempt at terrible. 🙂 Happy Holidays.
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❤️
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Brilliant! I love it, Diana. What a creative poetry challenge. So much fun! ❤
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Some of the entries are so creative, Colleen, while also being terrible. It’s really fun to do something so sloppy for a change. I’m glad you enjoyed my terrible poem. 🙂 Have a wonderful break ❤
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Thanks, Diana. Happy Yule and Merry Christmas. ❤
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Hi Diana, kind of liked it in a I wouldn’t write it way! But now you got me thinking could I write it half as bad to be as good as you!? Intrigued, my mind so full of crap I’m inclined to have a go!
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Ha ha ha. It’s surprisingly hard to write so bad. You can post on your blog, Eric, with a ping back or post right into Chelsea’s comments. It’s quite fun to see how creatively terrible otherwise talented poets can be. Have fun.
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Now THAT was fun, LOL! Cringe-worthy and fun 🙂
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Oh good. I got a cringe out of you! Ha ha. I’m glad you enjoyed it, Mae. It was honestly a ton of fun trying to make the poem as terrible as possible. Happy Holidays. 🙂
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The dog barfing up tinsel and the mini-mart lights were inspired, LOL!
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Love this!
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Thank you, Penny. It was so much fun to try to be terrible. The contest is weekly and strictly for the laughs. If you feel inclined you can paste a terrible poem into Chelsea’s comments. Happy Holidays!
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I was just at her blog and followed. I’ll see if I can give it a go! 🙂
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I can’t wait to read it. 🙂
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Lol, holiday joy- bah humbug 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by, Jacquie. Yes, I was wrestling with Christmas lights so the poem came out a little cranky. But it’s supposed to be terrible! Lol. Happy Holidays. 🙂
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I love how the narrator in the poem just gives up on getting the clear lightsXD
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Thanks. I was actually having a battle with my tree lights this year and gave up all together. The tree is staying dark! Lol. Thanks for reading. It’s a lot of fun to try write a terrible poem. 🙂 Happy Holidays!
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That was fantastic!
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Thanks, Rob. It’s all pretty silly and lots of fun trying to be terrible. And this isn’t the terriblest! Happy Holidays.
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I should clarify I was ref. Yo poems Diana wrote in another blog post. Didn’t think it would post here. But I enjoyed the terrible Xmas one as well.
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Thanks! Lol.
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Loved ur poems. I too have been a poet since a young age. Also I sometimes get poems in dreams but it hasn’t happened for a long time. What an amazing thing that is when it strikes. sometimes I even get music but that’s hopeless to reproduce, as I’m no muscian.would love to come back in my next life as one though. I love ur sense o humor too. Ur an inspiration to us all. Once in a while I wake up laughing but its unusual to remember what was so funny…
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You might give terrible poetry a try, CJ. It’s great fun. And thank you for the lovely comment. 🙂 Happy Holidays!
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Oh well done Diana – truly terrible!
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Ha ha ha. Thank you so kindly, Pauline. I’m so glad you enjoyed the terribleness. And thanks for making me laugh. I hope you are well and being wonderfully (not terribly) creative. 🙂
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Loved your terrible poem! Is there anything you are not terribly good at?
Love, B.
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My isn’t as terrible as some of the others that get posted, Basilike. Some writers are clever and terrible at the same time. 🙂 Now, that’s hard to do. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season. ❤
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The same for you, my dear Diana! I hope you’re having a lovely time.
I think I’ll be looking into this contest. I need to see what clever and terrible at the same time is like!
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Ha ha ha
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I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m so surprised at how hard it is to make poetry really truly terrible. I hope you’re entering this week, Ruth. Should be fun. 😀
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I did…. it’s weird.
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That was funny. Do they get any Vogons writing poetry in this contest? My problem is that my poetry is not-on-purpose-bad, so I would think that if I purposefully made bad poetry, it might come out almost goodish instead of terrible 😉
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It’s actually kind of hard to do, Trent. We have to un-train our brains. Some of the entries are so clever and terrible that I’m in awe. Ha ha. Give it a try if you feel inclined. 🙂
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OK, I just posted a reply on the original post. I think it is pretty bad, though maybe not as awful as others…
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Ha ha. Isn’t it amazing how awful some poems can be? I love your last lines.
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It is amazing. I’ll have to work on it some more… Thanks.
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It’s good to have fun. Kudos Diana on creating a terribly fun poem for Christmas. I might have to see what a mess I can make. 🙂
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It really was fun to just let go of the inner critic, Brad. You can post your poem on your blog or in Chelsea’s comments. Some of the poems are so amazingly terrible that I just crack up. Have fun!
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Thanks. I would probably want to write a “good” terrible poem. 🙂
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Lol
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You can count on dogs to add that finishing touch – (Ultra realism is funny as well as terrifying HAHA)
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Thanks. Yes, dogs choking on tinsel is something that has happened around here in the past. Thanks for stopping by to read my terrible poem. It was pretty fun to write. 🙂
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The funniest things bring us joy HAHA
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Love it!
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Thanks, Aliaha. I’m hoping it was truly terrible, though I’m still refining my terrible-poetry-writing skills 🙂 Have a wonderful holiday with lots of laughs.
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Your terrible poetry is really good. 😊 Have an awesome, Christmas!
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Not very terrible, Diana. Really funny instead.
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Thanks, Robbie. It’s actually hard to be super terrible. Some of the entries are extremely clever AND terrible. And, of course, it’s “awfully” fun. Glad you enjoyed the poem. 🙂
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Diana, your ‘terrible’ poem is so funny that I would call it
a humorous poem.
Maybe the stress before Christmas of peace makes it so
terrible – as often the stress destroys the peace. 😊
Aren’t we people silly.
I think you should read this to your friends at Christmas.
Miriam
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Hahaha Thank You for making me laugh today😂😂 what a great contest!!!
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It’s a pretty hysterical contest and many of the entries are sooo much better at terribleness than mine. I’m glad you got a laugh. 🙂 Happy Holidays!
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Teehee! I love this Diana. You really brought it home with “hall of fiendish stalactites” — and then there are those blood red Christmas trees…
Hugs on jingle bells.
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Thanks, Teagan. The contest is a riot, and you can post your poem in Chelsea’s comments. My poems are terrible, but not terrible enough to win… yet. She gets some doozies! Ha ha. I’m glad you got a laugh. 🙂 Happy Tuesday!
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I agree with Robbie. It wasn’t terrible at all, but it *was* terribly funny.
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It’s not often I laugh out loud whilst reading poetry, but yours has me laughing / chuckling away!😀 Fabulous silliness and I think we can all identify with at least one or two of these Christmas calamities! 😀
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The contest is pretty fun, Annika, and some of the entries are amazingly terrible but so clever! I never win, but enjoy the whole process. Thanks for taking a peek. Happy holidays. 🙂
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Thank you Diana. This is definitely cheerful. Happy Christmas.
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Ha ha. Well, it’s a grumpy terribly poem, but hopefully it will get a smile here and there. Thanks for the visit, Brigid. Happy Christmas to you too. 🙂
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