The Fifth Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

Every week, Chelsea Owens offers a prompt for her Terrible Poetry Contest. The submissions are all unequivocally terrible… soooo terrible that I eagerly await them, knowing that I’m going to laugh myself silly. This week’s topic should offer up some side-splitters. Want to try your hand at some terrible poetry? It’s harder than it looks!

**

From Chelsea:

1. The topic is ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. This is my LEAST FAVORITE poem in the entire world – whenever it’s parodied. Therefore; I normally feel that every idiot who goes about with “‘Twas the night before Christmas” on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart; but this week you’re getting a pass. Strangely enough, I love the original. I have at least three favorite stanzas in there.

2. What’s the limit? For the love of my own sanity and yours, please keep it to eight or nine stanzas, maximum. That’s about the point of the original where we read I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

3. It’s gotta rhyme. At the end of the line. Make it fine.

4. Remember, remember: the poem needs to be terrible… 

(For the rest of the rules, the deadline, and to read some terrible poetry entries: The Fifth Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest)

**

And here is my terrible entry for this week:

Tis the afternoon that comes just before Christmas Eve
And I’m rushing around like you wouldn’t believe
The dog’s barfed up tinsel, my tree lights are dead
I couldn’t find any clear ones, but the minimart had red
Just like Trump’s hall of fiendish stalactites
Or with the points up, does that make them stalagmites?
I burned a batch of cookies for jolly old Saint Nick
Defrosted some corn dogs from July that even then tasted ick
No carrots for the reindeer. No veggies! I’m out.
January better hurry up, cause I’m all tuckered out.
Fa la fella fa, dee da dee da
Fifi folly duh, ta da, ta da!

155 thoughts on “The Fifth Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest

  1. Ha ha. This is wonderfully unique and amazing! I’d like to share this with others if it’s okay with you

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As usual I am arriving to ugly poetry late
    But at least I didn’t try to skate
    For at seventy-seven, you see,
    My former skills would definitely undo me.
    Whatever happened to Christmas time,
    When I was once filled with good rhyme?
    Today, it is sad that I don’t know
    A stanza from a piece of mistletoe.
    Would you believe I wrote this on the fly?
    And I can say I didn’t even try.
    I know it’s way past New Year’s night
    And so I’ll leave without a fight.
    I bid you all adieu,
    And return again
    To write another for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Joanne Sisco says:

    I love it when you write poetry 😆
    “January better hurry up, cause I’m all tuckered out” – nailed it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hello, Diana. I can’t come up with bad poetry. But I can come up with a book recommendation: I Am The Clay, a novel by Chaim Potok. He was an Army chaplain in Korea during the Korean War. The book is about the effects of the war on the Korean people. I read it a couple of months ago and liked it very much. Take care —

    Neil Scheinin

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Vashti Q says:

    Ah, ha, ha! Wow. I didn’t know this was a thing, but you nailed it. You cracked me up. Happy Saturday! 😀 xo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This was so truly terrible, D. You’ve …um.. improved (de-proved?) in a big way! My son particularly liked your bit about the dog barfing tinsel.

    I liked so many aspects of yours and it only JUST lost out on being first!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. A valent effort, Diana, and one that made me laugh. It reminded me of watching a Christmas special of The Simpsons. What a great idea to write bad poetry.

    Liked by 2 people

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