My smarty-pants muse was right… again. I needed to write and pelted out 62,000+ words and a sketchy rough draft of the first book in a new series.
To celebrate, I thought I’d share the opening scene. It’s unfinished and undoubtedly will change as the story unfolds (bobs eyebrows mysteriously). I hope you enjoy it.
Kalann il Draak, the First of Chaos, aimed his cannons at the Veil. From the eastern sun to the western moon, the curtain of light spanned the mountains, banishing him to the forsaken waste that stretched north beyond the known lands. The silver wall shimmered, undulated with elemental power, the essence of matter. Its energetic core bound the illusory world together with the strength of goblin steel.
He would destroy the rippling wall that divided him from his kingdom, shatter the balance of creation, and wreck chaos on the myriad patterns of the world. The First, the sacred gods worshiped by of the mortal races, would vanish from the land.
His sword crackled, spat veins of lightning that illuminated the roiling clouds and fractured the rock beneath his army’s heels. The tortured earth swallowed slaves and soldiers alike, their screams lost to the grinding rock and the wind’s keening howl.
“I will destroy you!” he roared up the barren slopes.
The First, his brethren, stood sentinel along the ridges, hands raised in silent defense, feeding the Veil’s mass with heat harvested from the mountains’ core, light stolen from the dawn. A blizzard of snow swept into the air, blew sideways in the skirling winds, blotting out the sky.
Draak’s sword swept down, sliced a rift into the Veil that the First snapped shut with a thunderous clap. The mage laughed at the feint as cannons strung along the foothills belched pulses of disruptive power, stripping matter of its binding force. The white-hot blasts generated surges. Waves bulged along the Veil’s magnetic lines like sound along an instrument’s string. Veins of power tore and reconnected, releasing eruptions of unbound light.
The Veil fractured. Seams burst open where the energy splintered. Like a stone through a mirror, shards of light flung outward, and Draak ordered his army through, secreted in the shattered wedges that pierced his enemy’s land. Another volley of fire penetrated the weakened wall. The bulk of his vast horde stormed up the slope, eager for the final rupture.
But the power of the cannon proved unstable, uncontainable, carried along the frayed curtain by sheer winds. His foes threw up shields like patches on torn cloth, stitching up the gaps with new manipulations of heat and light. The Veil began to cool. Snow transformed into steam as the mountains burned and the elements bound into new matter, altering the foundations of the world.
The First, guardians of the wall of light and the civilization within, gloried in their victory. Below them, trapped in the barren desolation of the north, Draak shook a curled fist at his brethren. But hubris was their flaw and his fury a ruse. The cannon had briefly unraveled the fabric of matter, not enough for an entire army to slip through, but sufficient for chaos to hook its curved claw. The mortals would see to the rest.
A fantastic battle scene, Diana. You always have the best looking main characters. All the best with this book. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne. I don’t know if the character looks like this. Ha ha. My selections are often limited by what free images I can find. But he is a god, so maybe. 🙂 I’m so glad you enjoyed it, my friend. Have a lovely weekend!
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Amazing and thoroughly engaging!
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Thank you for the kind comment. I’d hoped to work on it a bit over the holidays, but that was wishful thinking for sure. Ha ha. Winter is my favorite time to write, so more to come. ❤
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Wow. I think I’m sharing the same thoughts as others commenting; This is a first draft? Incredible. I think you’ve got a seriously good book forming so far.
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I touched this up a bit before posting it, of course, but basically a first-ish draft. I’m working on getting the second book in the series drafted now… then a year of editing! Ha ha. Thanks for stopping by to read. 😀
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Absolutely!
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A beginning of a great tale ❤️
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Thank you. I just finished outlining the rest of the books, so writing starts again tomorrow. Today, I need to start working on the next holiday hurdle. Ha ha. Have a wonderful week, Elisabet.
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Thank you Diana
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So many fantastic, fresh lines here, Diana. I LOVE this one: Waves bulged along the Veil’s magnetic lines like sound along an instrument’s string.
So good!
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read, Jacquie. I have a long way to go, but it was fun to share the first step. Happy Writing!
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oh I could swear I left a comment here yesterday! Maybe my computer glitched and it didn’t make it though! Congrats on winning Nano D!
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I’ll check my spam. So sorry that you were neglected and thanks for the comment and congrats. It was a fun push and hopefully another one coming up in January. 🙂 Happy Reading!
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Nice opener, Diana. It doesn’t read too prologue-y, mostly because you’re telling the story as it unfolds, rather than relaying it as a long-ago message.
My prologue in Bellerophon is similar. I suppose we can wait and see if mine bugs anyone (I’m pubbing it in January). Might be valuable feedback for you.
Congrats on the Nano word count! Way to crank those words out! 🙂
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I was thinking about Bellerophon a few days ago, Cathleen, and wondering about the status. I’m glad to hear that its close to publication. This scene does take place in the present and is followed by three shortish scenes as each main character reacts to the event (all making up Chapter One). I’m not sure I’ll leave it like that, but I’m also not worrying about it yet. 🙂 I just finished outlining the rest of the series yesterday and finally know how it’s going to end (phew). Happy Writing!
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Congratulations on your NaNo win! I am in awe of anyone who writes more than the standard 50k. Your excerpt here makes me want to read more!
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Thanks, Marnie. My muse chained me to my laptop, and if I wanted to get up and procrastinate, she cracked her whip and told me to crank out another 1000 words. Everything else was back burnered. I finally vacuumed after a month! Ha ha. Happy Writing.
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Congratulations, Diana. A very powerful beginning. 🙂
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Thanks for taking a peek at the result, Sebnem. I’m currently trying to plot out the rest of the series so I know where to go next! It’s all plain fun to be writing again. I hope you’re having a wonderful December. Happy Writing!
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Congratulations on your “A Book.”
Kidding aside, 62,000 words? Wow. Amazing work.
Thanks for sharing your first chapter. It is interesting. I like how your narration painted the action vividly, and entice me into wanting to learn more about this world of The Firsts.
And good job on having a new series to work on. 😀
Have a nice day.
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Thanks so much for stopping by to read, Jomz. I hadn’t written much all summer, so it was great to focus for a month and push the words out. Most of it is in serious need of work, but that will come in time. I’m glad you enjoyed the snippet. Happy Writing!
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Eloquent and invigorating writing!
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Thanks CJ. I’m trying to start with a bit of excitement. 🙂 So glad you enjoyed it. I hope you’re having an awesome December so far. Happy Writing!
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U2..hope things smooth out w. Family stress o holidays. Didn.t fin. Nano but it.s 10,000 or so words I otherwise would.t have. Like u it.s a great source of inspiration. I turn 6o n 2 days an am happy 2 have pub.d 1bk so far. I remind myself that Tolkien was 62 b4 he published. Maybe there.s hope 4 me yet? Now if I can just get disciplined???
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You show here the perfect example of how/why Nano works. Wowzie. And knowing you and your writing, the chaos that is about to begin in your new book will be mind-boggling, nail-biting, and terrific. Please pat your muse’s back for me.
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My muse is looking very smug right now, Pam. Don’t encourage her. Lol. I’m still at the anxiety-stage of writing with two more books to draft and no idea how I’m going to resolve everything in the end. *Sigh* That’s what I’m doing this month, then another self-imposed Nano in January and one in March before editing begins. Fun… right? Ha ha. Thanks so much for stopping by and for the cheers. Happy Writing!
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Your discipline inspires me, Diana. Not enough to write 62,000 words in one month, but nonetheless, I’m inspired. I love how you admit your anxiety about it all, and your case of hives from writing without a defined plan. Sometimes I think being a planner holds me back from writing as much as I could – trying to balance creativity with having all my ducks lined up. You’ve got an amazing, action filled beginning – whether it becomes a chapter or a prologue.
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Thanks for taking a peek, Molly. I’m taking December to think things through and get the balance of the story outlined. I like having multiple plots going on at once, and it just gets too confusing, anxiety inducing, and crazy unless I have a blueprint. But all fun. Happy Writing, my friend!
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Congrats on your win! I didn’t ‘win’ this year for the first time out of 12 in a row, but untangling my full series arc much more completely was well worth the 30 days of extra-disciplined toil. And I had a blast with my regional events and cheering on my fellow writers. Ended out with nearly 26,000 new words and much needed clarity. A great NaNo.
I’m glad yours was so fruitful, and I suspect it was a lot of fun to be on that roll of new-found story. Thanks for sharing it with us!
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Thanks for stopping by to read, Sheri. It sounds like you had a great NaNo. You’re right that It’s not all about word count. That’s why I don’t participate every year. Books sometimes need a slower more careful forming before we can start storming! It’ felt good to write though the draft is a disaster area. I’m making notes all over it before I dive in the 1st draft of book II. And I finished your book 2 of the Unwitting Adventures – great fun.
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Yes, each story has its process. A series has even more steps than I’d anticipated, but it’s been a fun and interesting path to follow. Thanks so much for finishing Book 2! That’s the best fire under my feet to keep on working to get book 3 out asap. Glad it was a fun read for you. 🙂
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Well done, what a word-count, and love the snippet, very atmospheric and promising.
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Thank you, Cath. I pushed for the word count and pretty much ignored every desire to go back and fix things that were driving me crazy. So overall its a mess. Ha ha. But fun to writing. 🙂 Happy Writing!
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Congratulations! And the opening scene is powerful!
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Thank you, Ellen. I’m still trying to figure out how the books (trilogy) will end, so I have a lot of work to do. But it was great fun to be writing again. 🙂 Hope you’re doing well and Happy December.
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My NaNo draft is nothing like this, lol. You’re a master of imagery, Diana!
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I really wanted to start strong on this one after reading so many posts about 1st sentences, 1st paragraphs, and 1st scenes. So I spent more time on this than the rest of the draft. And tidied it up for the post, too. The rest of the draft? Ugh. I’m glad you enjoyed it though. 😀 Happy Writing!
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Diana, what i call a rough draft is so far from yours, i feel like a caveman strolling down fifth avenue. And wow, that’s what i call attention catching opening scene. Congrats on the word count. It pays to have a pushy muse.
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I definitely spiffed this up a bit for the post, Jina, so no worries. The rest of it is a total complete mess. I’m going to be spending a lot of time editing, trust me. 🙂 Now I have to finish plotting out the rest of the series before I jump back in come January. I’m glad you enjoyed it though – trying to start with a bang! Happy Writing, my friend.
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You succeeded with the bang and then some. I’m glad that’s not how a rough draft of yours look like – do i sound horrible? Haha, have a good week and productive too.
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Lol. I heard that there are a few authors who can write stunning first drafts, but that is not me. I end up doing about 25 drafts before the thing is ready to go, and by then, I hate it. 😀
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Oh, very good! 😀
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Thanks for taking the time to read. It felt great to get writing again. Lots to work on over the next year too. 🙂
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Wow, you are a powerhouse my friend 🙂 62K words good on you! No doubt you have another smashing successful series brewing now! ❤
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I don’t feel that confident yet, Debby. First drafts are always a little anxiety-producing. But I loved focusing on writing for the month and after I get through the busy-ness of December, I’ll be back at it. Thanks so much for stopping by and for the kind comment. 🙂 ❤
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Of course it’s a first draft – but a damned good one at that! ❤
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Wow, what an opening! Congrats on hitting it out of the ballpark with NaNo. As usual, you enthrall me with your visual imagery, poetic words and world building. An opening worth wallowing in!
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Now to make the entire trilogy worthy of the opening scene, huh? Ha ha. I so needed to get back into writing, Mae. Now a little catch up and then back at it. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by to read. Happy Writing!
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Well done you!! It must be such a good feeling of accomplishment. xo
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Thanks for stopping by, Darlene. My parents were having health issues this past summer and fall, so I did very little writing. Yes, it felt wonderful to resume writing with a bang. 😀 Happy Writing to you!
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First of all, congrats on accomplishing so much through NaNo! What a great set-up for the new book. I’m sucked in! Fabulous work, Diana!
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Thanks for the lovely comment, Jan. I loved getting back into the writing saddle, and can’t wait to get going again after the usual crazy holiday season. Wishing you a marvelous December, and Happy Writing.
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This sounds amazing and intriguing! I’m really glad to hear NaNo has paid off and produced such a lovely draft.
Best of luck with this new series, Diana! I’m sure it’ll be marvelous 🙂
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Thanks, Sophie. After all a hectic summer, it was great to spend a little time in my imagination and focus on writing. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 Have a wonderful December and Happy Reading!
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A new world is born! Congratulations, Diana! 62,000 sounds amazing, and the opening scene is solid – love the hint to a goblin presence 🙂 Now I just have to wait for the first book to be released 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by to read, Inese. Probably a year away from having a final trilogy. I have two more books to draft and then tons of editing. But I’m glad you enjoyed this. Have a beautiful December, my friend. ❤
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Thank you, Diana! Best of luck with everything! ❤
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Good grief, Diana. I can’t believe you write a first draft this well! Mine are gibberish. This sounds wonderful. You make me want to do NaNoWriMo.
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I worked a little on this scene to get it ready for posting, Jacqui. But it was pretty set in my head from the start. The rest of the draft is indeed gibberish! NaNo worked for me this year. I’m going to do another one in January and another in March (self-imposed) to get the trilogy drafted. Then a year of editing! Ugh. All fun though. Have a great December as your book gets closer and closer. 🙂
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I thought, “Wow, that’s brave to share a first draft.” It was probably brave (we all need a little courage to share even our polished prose) but you had nothing to worry about. Such powerful imagery. And what a hook! Nicely done, Diana. If these first words are any indication, you’ve got a hit on your hands.
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Thanks for the kind comment, Staci. This was cleaned up a bit for the post. And though most of it will likely survive, I’m not exactly sure how the story will end, so some of it might need modification. Naturally, the rest of the draft is a horrible mess and is going to require months to fix! Happy December!
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Love the opening. Powerful and captivating. Maybe I should borrow your muse and she’ll teach me how to write like you do 😊
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My muse is not very nice though, Bel, but you are welcome to invite her over to boss you around. Ha ha. I’m so glad you enjoyed this. I have tons of work to do as the rest of the draft is a nightmare, but it was fun to spiff up and share a bit of the start. Thanks for stopping by and Happy Travels. 🙂
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Thanks for sharing a little bit of your awesome writing 😊 I need a bossy muse anyway because I procrastinate a lot! 😂
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Ha. I procrastinate too, but my muse makes we earn it. “Oh, you want to play video games? 500 more words.” Then she cracks the whip. 🙂
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Okay I’m officially borrowing her 😂
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-grin- Way to go! You’ve just magicked a creation myth out of nano. That, my friend, is impressive. But…where are the goblins? 😉
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Ha ha. The next three scenes introduce the three main characters: goblin, elf, and changeling as they react to the rupturing of the veil – hopefully with some danger and mystery. The the story, hopefully, will kick off with some momentum…. Did I say hopefully? Lol. All fun, Andrea, but a long long way to go. 🙂 I hope NaNo was successful for you as well. Happy Writing!
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Ah hah! So there will be goblins. You had me worried for a sec. I was imagining your Muse coming after you with a baseball bat. I have a feeling you’re going to do goblins and elves like they’ve never been done before. Go girl!
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This sounds very interesting and you hooked me at the end when you said “the mortals” will do the rest. Love it. ❤
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Thank you, Adele. Yes the mortals are going to take over and make a mess of the world, as they usually do. I haven’t plotted the whole story out yest, but that’s the plan. Thanks for the lovely comment. Have a magical December. 🙂
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You too, Diana. xxx
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And that is the first draft?! Superb, captivating and vivid … pure you! Congratulations on such a successful month and I liked seeing the winners certificate! Now, a day or two of relaxation perhaps? Happy Weekend, Diana! 😀
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I polished this up a bit for the post, Annika, so it’s not really first draft at all. The rest of the draft is a total mess, and I’m saving that for spring when the other two books in the series are drafted. I’ll be taking most of December off as the holiday season around here is relentless (I do a lot of volunteering), but then back to writing in January. Thanks so much for the visit, my friend, and Happy Writing. 🙂
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Of course your NaNoWriMo contribution is literally earth-shattering! 🙂
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You’re so punny, Chelsea. Hee hee. 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it. Now to get the rest of the series cooking. I have a really long way to go, but enjoy the work – thank goodness. Thanks for stopping by to read, and Happy Writing!
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Oh, you’re welcome! Happy writing!
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Way to go! You just keep churning these great words out!
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Thanks, Betsy. I’m going to try. I always feel anxious when drafting a new story, but seeing it take shape is a lot of fun. Have a wonderful December and Happy Writing!
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Or when you have an a-ha moment where it all comes together. Love that.
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Wow! This is a strong opening and the world-building is amazing!
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Thanks so much for the lovely comment, Linda. I tried to open with a bang. Now I need to make sure the rest of the story holds up and that’s going to take a ton of work. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Have a wonderful December and Happy Writing!
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A really compelling opening, Diana. Congratulations on finishing Nano with such flourish!
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Thanks, Steven. It felt good to be writing again, even if the vast majority of it is still crap. 🙂 Lol. I’ll start patching it enough this week so I can start the first draft of the next one. Happy Writing, my friend.
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That’s where the magic lives. Have fun and best of luck. 🙂
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Wow! And that’s just from NaNo? No wonder your books are so good! And congrats on killin’ the 50k in 30 days flat! Now I have to get back to mine. Definitely not as good as yours, but I did manage to work through a few plot issues.
Have a wonderful weekend!
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Thanks for the great comment, Julie. I buffed this up a little for the post, of course. The rest of the book is miserably rough and full of problems that will need a lot of work! All in all, it’s an ugly little beast. Good for you for getting some of the plot issues worked out. I need to get back to the outline and figure out how the series will end before I start on the draft of book 2. All fun. Happy Writing!
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A first book of a new series? How exciting! And how impressive that you wrote 62k and change in 30 days!
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Great opening! Kudos all around, Diana…
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Wow – 62,000 words! … and you’re just starting! There is a discipline in writing that always leaves me in awe.
I follow a handful of writers, but of all of them, I learn more from you about the actual process of writing. In this case, it was your comment about prologue vs first chapter. I think for the first time I can actually see how an opening could become either.
Whenever I start reading a new book, the first question in my mind is ‘who are the good guys?’. Maybe I’ve just revealed one of my Pollyanna traits 🙂 …. but in this case, you’ve left me wanting to read more to find out whether “First of Chaos” is a red herring or not 😉
Congratulations Diana! Looking forward to more.
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Wow that is allot of words Diana! Congratulations of course as always amazing writing!
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Thanks, Lynn. I’m always so unsure as I start a new book or series, and it’s a joy to get such lovely comments. Now that it’s December, I need to clean my house and do some laundry. Then back to the laptop. Have a wonderful weekend, my friend. ❤
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You too!
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Diana, I confess. It’s the down side of having so many brilliant stories — that I expected a lot. I shouldn’t. Not even from a master like you. I know it’s just a quickly written draft… and I still expected a lot…
My friend — you knocked it out of the park! I can’t wait to see what you build from this. Hugs on the wing.
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Aaah, thank you, Teagan! I did a little patching and spackling to get it post-worthy, but unlike my usual approach to a book, I haven’t even finished the outline. (This pantsery writing gives me hives. Lol.) So it may change quite a bit. But I’m glad you enjoyed it! Hugs. ❤
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The good thing about pantsering is the freedom to change whatever however you want. Planning, outlining becomes a commitment that can be hard to see past to get to the story that evolves in the mind. 😉 More hugs.
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Compelling, vivid, mysterious, a new genesis myth………… What a great beginning to the next series Diana. Tolkien would be proud!
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Oh, Tolkien is my hero, so thank you for the lovely comment, Pauline. November passed without a breath, nose to the grindstone, but it felt so good to simply focus on a new story. And I’m not giving anything away… yet. Happy December as you head into summer, my friend. 🙂
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I’m so impressed with this NaNo draft! I love this opening. Congrats on going beyond 50K words.
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Thanks, Mary. I did spiff it up a little for the post, but it may change significantly as the story takes shape. I haven’t even completed the outline for the series, so who knows! Ha ha. I did push for the word count, but that created all kinds of glitches that I need to go back and seriously fix. Argh. Thanks for much for the visit and the kind words. Happy Writing!
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I bet it feels good to get that writing down on “paper” as opposed to just floating around in your head. A great start. Well done.
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Thanks, Anneli. Now I need to complete my outline and do some more character-building and world-building – problems that became apparent as I pushed the word counts out, but didn’t take the time to address. All fun stuff. Thanks for stopping by to take and peek. Happy December!
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The best part of the writing is ahead of you (if you’re like me and enjoy the rewriting more than the first draft).
And yes, it’s December already! Our hills even have a skiff of snow.
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I can relate, Anneli. The first draft always feels like a lot of pressure. After that the story simply morphs into its final shape. But I have to finish the first draft of the entire trilogy before I begin editing, so at least two more nano-ish months ahead of me – maybe January and March. Then the luxurious spring and summer of editing. 😀
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Well, you got a good start on it and that is always the hardest part for me. All fun from now on.
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Wonderful opening Diana. It certainly grabbed my attention and makes we want to read more. Kudos to you and your muse for lighting up the keyboard. 🙂
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Thanks, Brad. That’s the best compliment in the world! I won’t be able to keep up that pace, of course, but I wanted to start with a bang while inserting a little world-building and backstory. 😀 I’m delighted that you enjoyed it. Happy December!
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My pleasure Diana!
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This is very good for a first draft
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I spent a bit of time on it to get it presentable, Drew, but basically the first/second draft. I have to decide whether to leave it sounding prolog-ish or expand it into a chapter. We’ll see. First I need to write the first drafts for next two books in the series! Thanks so much for reading. 🙂 Happy December!
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Your writing the other drafts to make sure you include every detail you need in this first one, that you can’t undo once it’s published?
Not sure if I asked this appropriately. Does my question make sense?
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Yes, that’s right. All my series have been completely written before I publish the first book. I’m constantly going back and forth to make sure that the story’s details are consistent throughout and that there’s appropriate foreshadowing of things to come. Personally, I notice when second or third books have things (like magical abilities, etc.) appear out of nowhere that were never mentioned in an earlier book. I could go back and tweak, but I worry that the flow of the whole story would be compromised. Just me and the way my brain works. 🙂 I hope I answered your question.
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You are doing it the right way. Perhaps the problem is many authors are thinking in terms of one book when they pen the original; and not in the terms of a series.
You brain is wired correctly.
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Maybe. There are all kinds of different ways to write and to each his own. This just works for me. 🙂 ❤
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Wow, a great opening scene, Diana.
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Thanks, Robbie. You know how they say to start with a little action? Ha ha. I had a lot of fun pulling this together and hope the rest of the story will come together – once I figure out how it’s going to end! Lol. Gotta get working on that. Happy December! ❤
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Poeerful opening, Di! Excellent! Engaging!!
Definitely makes useant more!!
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Jordy. It strikes me as sort of prolog-ishy, and I may make it more chapter-ishy as time goes on. Haven’t decided yet, but it was fun to fix up a bit for the post. 🙂 Happy December!
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It does set up the plot very well, but of course you know where it works best! Very dramatic and great storytelling!! 🤗Happy Holidays!!💕
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