pixabay compilation
I love writing children into my books. They add a bit of light-hearted tenderness and comedy between all the adult intrigue, betrayal, and gore. They offer a fresh perspective on the adult characters around them and raise the stakes for those battling for peace and kindness. Children don’t show up in all my stories, but they play a small role in Soul Swallower.
You’ve met, Raze, Johzar and Danzell, and Sajem.
This little snippet introduces Chellai (age 6) and Thanelan (age 4).
***
Raze carted the empty basket along the path while Chellai skipped ahead picking coneflowers and snowy oxeye. Thanelan rode on his shoulders, the blond four-year-old gripping Raze’s forehead.
“I didn’t see the witch, me lord,” Chellai said, her voice comically high.
“Lanya teases you. You mustn’t wander alone, but there’s no witch in the forest. And I am Raze. I’m not a lord.”
“Lanya says we’re to call you lord, me lord.” Chellai still sorted through Lanya’s many rules and pursed her lips at the contrary instructions.
“We don’t have to,” Thanelan said from above. “’Cause we’re free. Raze made me mum and me free before we come to Kestrel. Mum says Lanya is uppity on workin’ for a lord. That’s why she says it.”
Raze adjusted the small hands edging over his eyes. “Lanya can call me a lord if it helps her feel uppity, but you should call me Raze.”
“Mum says Lanya is a meddler,” Thanelan said. “And Lanya says me mum is a gossip.”
“I will keep that in mind.” Raze chuckled. The two women worked in the hearth, and the room was toasty enough without their squabbling.
Chellai stopped to collect another flower, her bouquet almost complete. “Lanya says you will be the king of Kestrel when Lord Rydan dies. And so I should show respect and say ‘me lord’ now.” She twirled and skipped ahead.
“Chellai!”
The girl spun with a wide-eyed pout.
Raze tempered his exasperation, set the basket down, and lowered Thanelan to the path. He beckoned to Chellai with a smile, and when she edged closer, he squatted down between the two. “Now, I will tell you a thing I want you to remember. I am only Raze. I’m not a lord, and I will never be a lord. We live in conquered lands ruled by an Ezari empress, and she doesn’t appreciate talk of kings. I raise horses and make carvings in wood. You help in the hearth and the garden. We all do our part, like kin. I am free and you are free. We are the same.”
“Criminals and cravens says me mum,” Thanelan added. “And the poor. We was the poor.”
“True enough.” Raze dropped a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I am the descendant of robbers and cutthroats, no doubt. But those years are long in the past, and we can decide our destinies today, can’t we?”
“Me mum and da and me could leave whenever we want,” Thanelan said to Chellai, “because we’re free.”
“I don’t want to leave, me lord,” Chellai’s voice squeaked.
Raze sighed. “Then you may stay, of course.” He picked up the basket. “Now, let’s be on our way. Samoth and I need to bring in the horses, and you both have chores to finish. Let’s not keep uppity Lanya waiting.”
Myths of the Mirror 
Surprising that the name of the girl in the story is like my name
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I noticed that when I saw your comment! I had no idea that it was a real name and thought I just made it up. It’s beautiful, don’t you think? The character is sweet, so all good. 🙂 Thanks for the comment, Chellai. 😀
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I almost exclusively avoid writing children because I don’t have confidence in my ability to capture their voices/perspectives authentically. You have no such issues, Diana!
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Thanks, Sean. I worked as a mental health counselor for preschoolers, so I have a wealth of goofy stories and quirky personalities in my head. I just have to make sure that when I include them, that there’s a reason beyond just being fun. 🙂 Lol
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Reblogged this on Penney Vanderbilt and KC Jones: All About Railroads.
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Thanks for sharing, Penney. I’m glad you enjoyed the post! Happy Blogging. 🙂
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I’ve never really thought about the difficulty to include children into an adult story but now that I do I think they could be quite essential to provide a different angle to it. And I really love the sweet banter of these two and the mention on ‘uppity Lanya’. 😊❤
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Thanks, Sarah. 🙂 The challenge is that they need to be relevant and serve a purpose besides just being cute! I used to work with little kids in this age group and I love including them when I can justify it. 🙂 Thanks so much for the visit, and have a wonderful weekend!
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This is a great idea.
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Thank you. 🙂 These two just have small roles since they have serve a function in the story besides just being cute. But they were fun to write and share. Have a great Friday and weekend. 🙂
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That’s very interesting. I have a story idea that involves a child, and I suspect it will fit in the adult fiction genre. I’d love to pick your brain one day. Thanks for the response. And you have a good weekend, as well.
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Any time. I’m not an expert, but I love to chat with other writers about writing and books. 🙂
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Well, expert or not, it seems that you have done wonderful things with your writing, and I wish to learn as much as I can.
So thank you! I look forward to chatting with you in the future.
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Adorable snipped, Diana – I could here those little voices in my head!
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That’s supposed to be snippet. And hear. Apparently my brain isn’t completely in sync today.
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I didn’t even notice the typo. My brain just fixes them – it’s why I’m so bad at proofreading!
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Thanks, Teri. These two add a bit of flavor, but have small roles in the book. I’m glad you enjoyed the read. I’m on my last editing pass… finally! Have a great Wednesday!
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Great little snippet Diana. Children bring such a different dynamic to life. Their minds always so inquiring and fun. Lovely idea to bring them into your book 🙂 Happy writing my friend !
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Thanks, Lynne. I enjoy kids, especially when they’re at that age when they lack filters and share their quirky view of the world. I’m so glad you enjoyed this little snippet. 🙂 Have a wonderful day. 🙂
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Love this, Diana! I can imagine the children, especially Thanelan on Raze’s shoulders–I remember my own kids and yes, their hands always seemed to slip down. And Chellai picking flowers. Well done. I agree, it can be tough to add kids into adult books without them being annoying or just there to be there. Have a great week!
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Thanks for the visit, Julie. Those slipping fingers are pretty standard I think. These two have very small roles, but I did work hard to make them functional! Lol. Now, back to editing, my friend! Both of us! 🙂
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In The Rose Shield stories, you introduced us to the main character as a baby and let us watch her grow up. And that growing up was far from easy or, in most respects, comical. But it was a crucial decision you made there—and the right one, if you ask me. It allowed us to live her backstory rather than merely learning about it along the way; and so we felt true empathy, understood the true stakes and continued to root for her even when we doubted her decisions.
Here, Chellai and Thanelan are included for different reasons; and within the scope of those reasons, they are also successful. The small details—like the hand creeping obliviously over Raze’s eye, and his moving it back up—are what keep it from feeling like the children are just “written in” to give information. They feel real. (And they serve as a good reminder that children are listening at all times and understand more than we give them credit for. What’s more, they aren’t encumbered by social propriety; so if you don’t want the neighbors knowing your business, don’t speak so loosely around kids.)
Can’t wait … 😀
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I’m going to send you an email soon, Erik! These two have small parts in the story, but they do serve a purpose. And I’m so glad their little personalities come across. Chellai is very rule-oriented, and Thanelan is definitely one of those kids who shares everyone’s dirty laundry. Ha ha. Thanks for the wonderful, thoughtful comment. And Happy Writing!
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Nice writing! I love when children are included in an adult book.
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Thanks, Jennifer. I include children when I can justify them, and I thought I could in this book. Some stories need the perspective and some characters are deepened by having families. 🙂 Have a great Sunday and Happy Writing!
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I like children and jester humor for change of pace from drama. These two are different in personality which makes you a fine author. Having children adds a touch of humor and fragility in life, Diana. 🕊️💮
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Thank you, Robin. A lovely comment and I like your mention of both humor and fragility. These two are present in the story for both. And I’m so glad you see the difference in their personalities! Yay! Have a lovely Sunday, my friend. 🙂
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What a fantabulous excerpt! I like the innocence of Chellai and Thanelan! A great read.
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Thanks for stopping by Neha. These two make a nice contrast to all the battling that the adults do! Have a wonderful Sunday! ❤
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Fantastic excerpt, Diana! I can hear the “lilt” in the children’s voices, I’m imagining a bit of Irish accent although I have no clue of course exactly what accent a fictional land would have. 🙂
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Nice. I love it that you “hear” their voices. I’m thinking that this story takes place far in the future, so it could be rural UK. Ha ha. So fun. Thanks for reading, Kathryn, and for the great comment. Enjoy the great weather!
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A heart-warming gentle exchange which perfectly captures the cadence and nuances of children’s conversation. As is often the case with children, they find themselves discussing deeper issues without even realising it. Lovely extract to share and I can see how they bring light relief into the book. Wishing you a lovely weekend, Diana! Xx
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Thanks for stopping by to read, Annika. I’m so glad you enjoyed this little snippet. These two don’t have big parts in the book, but I make them work a little. My grandson is about the age of these two, and the things that he says either make me laugh or blow my mind! Have a wonderful, Sunday. 🙂
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Chellai and Thanelan are so endearing, Diana. I like the contrast of their sweet innocence to the story’s theme, which is something that always attracts me. ‘Lighthearted tenderness’ is the perfect descriptive ❤
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Thanks, Tina. 😀 ❤ Contrasting that childlike innocence to the horrors of the adult world is part of their role in the story. In the story soul swallowing ended up being "neutral" in many ways, and subject to the choices people make. It's been a fun write and its getting close! Have a wonderful weekend, my friend.
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This is great – I love the example from your own work you offered here; children’s dialogue can offer a lot of important exposition details in a natural way, without coming across as heavy-handed.
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I’m so glad you noticed the work this little scene is doing. A bit of backstory, a new perspective of Raze and other characters, and a glimpse of innocence in a brutal world. Thanks for the visit and comment! Happy Writing 🙂
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Very important considerations here. and visa versa.
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Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed it. Have a great weekend. 🙂
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I love how the characters came out here, even in your short excerpt, Diana. You paint a world so vivid and beautiful, I feel like I would like to enter it for myself.
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What a lovely comment, Lenora. I’m so glad it came across vividly and with “character.” 😀 I enjoy sharing these and I’m getting so close with these books. Have a wonderful weekend, my friend. 🙂
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I wish you all the very best! I have no doubt they will be remarkable – as all your writing is. Have a great weekend too!
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I like the scene of the children in the meadow with the flowers. Of course, since I work with kids, I do think they add much to life and our remembrance of times past and our hopes for the future. Likewise, I think they do much to make our invented worlds more realistic. I like this skillfully written snippet, and I know it is going to be another fabulous book! xx
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Thanks, Lana. I worked for years with preschoolers and enjoy their quirky perspective. I don’t have kids in all my books, but sprinkle them in here and there when it makes sense. I’m glad you enjoyed the snippet. Happy Writing, my friend. 🙂
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Wonderful read Diana. You’ve done an amazing job bringing the little one’s characters to life. I am curious to know how you chose those interesting names for the kiddies? ❤
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Thanks, Debby. Sorry for the late reply. I got my garden in today! Names just come to me. I don’t have to think about them and I rarely change them. I have a harder time naming horses, ships, and taverns. 😀 Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
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Your muse is very kind in that department! 🙂 And how lovely you’re back in the garden! Enjoy the weekend my friend. 🙂 The sun is shining here too. Okay, I still need jacket, but at least not of the winter variety lol. 😉 xx
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We’ve been in the low 50’s and on Thursday it’s supposed to hit 80! There’s no winning. I’m going to be sweaty and eager for autumn. 🙂 Ha ha. 🙂
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Lol, oh noooooo, please don’t wish us autumn yet! Enjoy my friend. 🙂 xx
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I was just kidding. I love all the seasons and don’t want to skip any of them 🙂
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Lol Diana, drink it in! 😉 xx
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Kids see the world so differently. I bet it is fun to write from their perspective. I really enjoyed this Diana! I love your characters.
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Thanks, Antonia. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I do love writing from their quirky perspectives. Kids crack me up. Happy Friday, my friend. 🙂
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Their logic always intrigues me, but children will be children even in our imagination, thanks I enjoyed it! 🌞
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Thanks for visiting. My grandson is about this age and sometimes the things that he says just crack me up. The world we live in has children and I like adding them to my stories, even if in a small way. 🙂 Have a great Friday and weekend! ❤
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I love children in books no matter the age. Thank you for sharing another fantastic piece 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by Erika. I like kids in books, too, even if they are just side characters. 🙂 I’m so glad you enjoyed the snippet! Have a great weekend!
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Writing children into my manuscripts is something I haven’t really done. I have one or two very minor characters, but that is it. Ironically, I have always found it to write from the viewpoint of female characters than children.
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These are minor characters too, Andrew, but I enjoy creating their personalities and dialog. I started out writing male main characters and then switched and now I’m all over the place. It’s fun mixing it up! Thanks for reading and Happy Writing!
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Happy writing
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Kids can really turn things on their head – in books and in real life.
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Yes! My grandson is 5, right between these two, and the things that come out of his mouth are so funny. Thanks for reading! Have a great day and keep the reviews coming. 🙂
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Love it! I enjoy writing children as well. They are great for providing humor as well as insight and are just flat out fun to write. Need a reason to interrupt a scene before your main character can figure it all out? Throw in a kid with a piece of pasta stuck up their nose.
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I’m not surprised that you enjoyed these two characters, Allie. Your stories about your kids are full of wonderful humor and wisdom. Kids are so quirky and view the world without all our adult constraints and filters. Scribble scribble…interrupt scene – pasta up nose.
Happy Writing!
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Love, Love, Love this, Diana! You had me right there with these adorable children. But this: “I am the descendant of robbers and cutthroats, no doubt. But those years are long in the past, and we can decide our destinies today, can’t we?” WOW! Yes, we can. Great excerpt! .
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Thanks, Jan. What a great comment. I’m so tickled that you enjoyed this. I am personally the descendant of cutthroats and robbers, so I like that line too. 🙂 Happy Writing!
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I’m glad you are taking the effort to include children in your story, Diana. I can’t imagine living in a 55 and older community with no children and likewise they add to the ‘world’ you’ve created. Fresh and innocent and you’ve given their voice a message without making it obvious. Very skillful writing, my friend!
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Thanks for reading, Molly. I do like adding them and work hard to justify their presence in the pages. The real world is enriched by having young and old people in it and I try to add both to my writing in small ways, at least. 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed the glimpse. Happy Writing!
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You’ve given me more to think about in terms of novel writing – to have a balance of ages in a story outside the ages of the protagonists. I’m going to pay more attention to that when reading a novel going forward. The limitation of ages is a reason I don’t think I could live in a senior citizen community. I feel younger when I’m around kids and young adults.
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I just read a popular YA fantasy novel and noticed that EVERY character in the book was a teenager. No adults, no children. It’s was a little weird! I’m with you on multi-generation communities. 🙂
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I can’t do children in my stories. Too dark. My worlds are bleak horrid places not fit for kids. That and I don’t know how to write them (not being a mum myself) 😏
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Lots of authors don’t, Jessica, and there are some who recommend “killing the darlings” because often they aren’t critical to the plot. Plus children often are cliched into adorable angels or brats. You’re just fine leaving the out. And bleak horrid darkness? I’m intrigued!
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Yeah see I’d have trouble killing kids. It’s the same as animals. I refuse to kill animals in my books. Can’t do it. Even with the bleak horrible stuff going on… although that’s only what happens to my poor tortured main characters 🤗
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Ha ha ha. “You’re poor tortured man characters.” I feel so sorry for them. 🙂
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Me too. Sorry, not sorry 😉
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An enjoyable read, Diana. Lovely write with a wonderful moral to it! 🙂
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Thanks, Iris. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Freedom as opposed to slavery is one of the themes that runs through the book. I’m so glad you picked up on that. Have a great day and Happy Writing!
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Wonderful post and excerpt, Diana! ❤ How much we all have to learn about life when watching through the eyes of the child.
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Thank you, Bette. It’s true! Kids are so quirky and they have such a fresh way of seeing the world. My grandson is this age and the things that come out of his mouth may we crack up. 🙂 Happy Writing!
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Oh what joy they bring… 🙂 Have a beautiful week and bask in the the wonders of Tornado Boy! xoxo
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He and I are going to see Peter Pan together. Because he’s a kid and I never grew up. 🙂
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Your writing is always magical and mesmerizing!
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Thanks so much for reading, Lynn. I’m glad you enjoyed my little snippet. I’m certain you can relate to the funny things that children say! Have a fabulous day, my friend. ❤
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oh yes!
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I’ve never really considered the beauty of this. You have an amazing gift and feel for what makes good reading!
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Thanks for the wonderful comment, Holly. I’m so glad you enjoyed this. I have a lot of fun coming up with little characters and trying to give them whole personalities and viewpoints. They’re just sprinkled through the story, but fun when they pop up. Have a wonderful evening, my friend. ❤
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You too Diane. ♥️
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I love writing children into my stories. For whatever reason, I’ve always written girls, but my current WIP has twin boys. I enjoy reading your excerpt, Diana!
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Thanks, Jill. I’m so glad that you include children as well. I think they can add complexity as well as enhance a story. Twin boys must be fun to write. Twins are a handful even when they’re angels. 🙂 Happy Writing!
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My sister has twin girls, they’re no angels! 🙂
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Ha ha ha. Then you have first hand experience to add to the reality of your story. Perfect.
Angels would be boring – except maybe to your sister. 😀
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That was an entertaining and instructive read Diana. The children became real entities immediately and clearly conveyed the relationship between Lanya and ‘Mum’ and their mode of thinking; gave us a bit of insight into Raze, a glimpse of the political situation and of course a peek at the landscape of the world you have created in this book. After completing (almost) four of your books I feel confident in saying this is a good example of how you weave everything so expertly together in your writing. It seems it is done easily and naturally and just flows from your pen.
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Yay! You’re such an insightful reader, Pauline. You picked up on everything I was trying to weave through this bitty scene. These little ones represent the quaint normalcy of home that gets trampled by the adults in the books, but they have to do more than that too, as you pointed out. Thanks for reading! I look forward to hearing what you think as you wrap up book 4! ❤
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When written well, children are excellent additions to stories. But I can’t stand poor portrayals of any character, and kids are no exception. They’re usually way too mature or way too childhish, in a very unrealistic manner. Fortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Very well done, Diana! 🙂
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Thanks, Sophie. I find that often child-characters are cliched – too cute or too bratty. In real life, kids are quirky and they view things through a fresh lens without all the adult constraints and filters. I love it when an author picks up on that. I’m so glad you enjoyed this. These two don’t appear often, but they’re there. Happy Reading!
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They’re sweet and innocent but know how life works. I love the names you choose for your characters, Diana, and enjoyed reading this.
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Thank you, Mary! I’ve never had a tough time picking names for some reason. Who knows. When I was reading your post this morning about Wade and Jake, I was thinking about how you pick the perfect cowboy names. Funny how that works. 🙂
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A delightful exchange 🙂
It’s also a reminder that they are amazing little parrots!
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I do love little kids, Joanne. Part of Thanelan’s character is that he innocently blabs everyone’s business. Ha ha. The sweet normalcy is set up as a contrast when things go very wrong. Thanks for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed the snippet. 🙂
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I hadn’t thought about how few children I have in my stories, especially playing a pivotal role. The way you describe children in your stories–I apply that to dogs. Hmm… I need to think on this.
Having said that, lovely story!
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Yes, dogs work in the same way! Except for the talking part. Ha ha. I don’t give kids much air time, Jacqui, but they are sprinkled here and there throughout. And I do try to have them fill multiple story needs, just like any other character. Thanks for reading and Happy Writing!
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This was delightful, Diana!
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Thanks, Jennie. I spent a lot of years working with kids, and in general, they crack me up. And the real world has children and old people, so I like my books to have both too even if just a sprinkling. 🙂 I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
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They crack me up, too. The best things happen when the old and young are together, don’t they? 🙂
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Yes. Very fun. 😀
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That was quite entertaining. I loved the dialogue.
I’ve used children in a number of my books, teens, too. One or two has even had a starring role. They do indeed add a different perspective.
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Thanks for the visit and comment, Mae. I sometimes wonder if I really need them, but I figure if each tiny scene accomplishes at least three goals, then I can justify it. I’m glad you enjoyed it, and good for you for including kids as well! 😀
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A lovely extract, Diana. I always enjoy reading about children. It definitely does bring a different angle and tone to a book.
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Thanks, Robbie. I sometimes wonder if I should just cut the kids from my books since they aren’t 100% necessary. But I do like what they add in terms of tone and contrast. I’m so glad you enjoyed the snippet! Happy Writing!
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Lovely snippet.
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Thanks, Cheryl. Cranking away at editing and hoping to have the series out in June! 🙂 Happy Writing!
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Oh yes, their perspective is so helpful and sweet in this excerpt. They can ask and contemplate things for the reader without it sounding ‘as you know, Bob.’ Nicely done! BTW, did you hear CBIC3 in Olympia is cancelled. At least you won’t feel you’re missing out on it now. 🙂
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Thanks, Sheri. Yes, I snuck a little backstory in without the “as you know, Bob.” Ha ha. I didn’t hear that CBIC3 was cancelled. That’s a shame. 😦 Maybe next year. Have a great day, my friend, and Happy Writing.
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You too! I’m 2 chapters away from the end of my terribly long editing process. Yay!!!
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I have two more passes. *she says slightly exhausted*. Ha ha. Happy Editing!
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I did finish this weekend and will order my ARCs today. Yay! But, of course, I have one final pass before release. Aiming for as close to perfection as possible — as always. I’m a bit more than slightly exhausted, but will be taking it much easier this week and have a mini-vaca to Bellingham this weekend to meet my best friend for fun! Happy Editing, Dianna!
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Congrats! Enjoy the break with your friend. You earned it. 🙂
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thanks for sharing the little snippet. I’m glad you enjoyed it! 😀
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I enjoy all you do Ms. Peach. 🍑🍑🍑🤓🙃😊
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Children add depth and often humor to a book. Chellai and Thanelan sound delightful!
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Thanks, Carrie! Their scenes are few and far between and short, but I think they do serve a roll. BTW – I’m reading The Bone Curse. Great book!
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Thanks you so much! Very happy you’re enjoying it. I’m honored you got a copy. 😊
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I’m about 1/4 of the way through (since I only read before bed) and this are rapidly heating up! 🙂
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Children do add a charm to any story as their innocent babble could give a comic break, just like Greek tragedies though modern stories have diluted those breaks and go on and on about their dark details.
I love Chellai and Thanelan. Thanks for sharing this excerpt Diana.
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Thanks for stopping by to read, Balroop. This is the longest scene with these two. They pop in and out through the book, usually squabbling. I’m glad you enjoyed them. Happy Writing!
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It’s a charming interlude, Diana. Every story needs moments where we can catch our breath. I loved “Raze adjusted the small hands edging over his eyes.” You always make me see every word. Hugs.
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Thanks, Teagan. I like these two little characters and use them in a few short scenes to provide a contrast to the adults or bring out another side of the adult personalities. I’m glad you enjoyed the snippet. 🙂
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It helps to have “go to” characters for certain things. Great choice.
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When I think of children in stories or movies, I think of Wesley Crusher in Star Trek, or more recently Carl in the Walking Dead. In both cases, I couldn’t stand the characters and were happy when they left their respective series. I think that it’s a hard task to integrate children into adult stories. But, if used properly, they can bring humanity to the adult characters.
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Wesley Crusher annoyed me, too! Ha! But I did like Carl – more so as he started growing up. And I thought they handled his (spoiler alert!) death well. I agree, though, that adding kids to adult books or movies has to be carefully done as they are often so cliched. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
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