The Carrot Ranch flash fiction contests came to an end in December, and I’m delighted to share my final entry. This last challenge involved 5 steps! Don’t feel you have to read them all, but… it’s a good example of how different 1st drafts (step 1) are from final drafts (step 5). You can see how crappy my first drafts are. Gak!
Challenge #8:
In 5 steps, write about a hero’s transformation after facing a crisis. Each step is its own flash fiction, but it is the evolution of a single story.
The Rules
Step One: In step one free-write for 5 minutes. Stop even if it’s incomplete. No Editing!
Step Two: Edit your free-write into a 99-word story.
Step Three: Edit your 99-word story into a 59-word story.
Step Four: Edit your 59-word story into a 9-word story.
Step Five: Transform it into a 599-word final story in three acts: beginning, middle, and end.
Step 1: 5-Minute free write – no editing allowed
Tris stood before the archangels, with his plea. “How can I truly know love, if I have nothing to compare it to?” To know something, doesn’t one need to know it’s alternatives?”
“You wish to be reviled?” asked Gabriel.
I wish to understand love in its fullest form, and if that is to be scorned, then scorn me.”
“As you wish”
Tris plummeted through the air, white feathers in flames, this skin blazing, cracking, charring, sloughing off all that was beauty. His eyes filled with fire and he plummeted to the sea with a trail of smoke.
The woman wading in the waves saw his fall and ran into the waves to save him. But when she saw the charred pinions of his skeletal wings, the blackened bloody flesh and the scarlet eyes, she screamed and ran panic driving her to flee. Webbed wings, quilled pinions.
He stalked her, haunted her, black wings unfurling in the corner of her room. What do you want? She screamed. “What do you want from me?
“Love he croaked, and the sound of his voice scared even him.
She held her pillow, curled in her bed. “If you love me, you would leave me alone.”
The demand stunned him. How could he love her under such restrictions? He knew then what it meant to be reviled and his wings curled around him, relegating him to shadows.
Step 2: Edit it into a 99-word story
He plummeted through heaven’s void, white wings in flames, skin blazing. Sloughing his beauty, he plunged into the sea.
A woman beheld his charred pinions and fled the waves. He haunted her moonlit nights, wandered her dreams until she survived on pills and prayers, woke in a sea of sweat, and screamed, “What do you want from me?”
“Only love.”
She curled around her pillow. “If you loved me, you would leave me alone.”
His breath caught. How did one love if banished by love? His burned wings enfolded him, condemning him to shadows, for love her, he did.
Step 3: Edit it into a 59-word story
He haunted her moonlit nights, wandered her dreams until she survived on white pills and prayers, woke in a sea of sweat, and screamed, “What do you want from me?”
“Only Love.”
She curled around her pillow. “If you loved me, you’d leave me alone.”
His burned wings enfolded him, condemning him to shadows, for love her, he did.
Step 4: Edit it into a 9-word story
For love, his burned wings enfolded him in shadow.
Step 5: The final 599-word story – a hero’s journey
Fallen Angel
He pled before Hadraniel. “How does one value love if one has nothing to compare? How does one know light without darkness?”
“You choose to be reviled?” the archangel asked.
“To experience love in its fullest form.”
Thus, he plummeted through heaven’s void, white wings in flames, skin blazing, cracking, sloughing his beauty in a trail of ash. A shooting star, his eyes brimmed with fire, and he plunged into the sea.
A woman wading in the waves ran into the surf to save him. But when she beheld the charred pinions of his skeletal wings, blackened scabs of skin, and irises licked by fire, terror pooled in her eyes. Her screams echoed the shrill keen of circling birds.
She fled the sea, drove with the wind’s howling, and spun through the city’s roiling anonymity. He hunted her with wings unfurled, bristling with burned quills. And each time he drew near enough to speak his heart’s yearning, fear prevailed and she failed to hear.
He spurned the sun to haunt her by moonlight when wounded souls melded with the dark. Cloaked in smoke, he inhabited the seams of her room and whispered love’s longing in her sleep. He wandered her dreams until she survived on white pills and prayers and woke in a sea of sweat. “What do you want?” she screamed. “What do you want from me?”
“Only love.”
Thunder rumbled in his voice, and she curled around her pillow. “If you loved me, you would leave me alone.”
His breath caught. How could this be? How did one love if banished by love? What had he chosen? Burned and broken wings enfolded him, condemning him to shadows, for love her, he did.
For years, he watched her spiral in shouting matches and botched marriages, estrangements, peals of pleading, and regrets for promises shattered. He kept his word and hid in antiseptic halls with chemical restraints, through prescriptions that muted the sun and blurred the hours into strings of dull-seasoned days. Through vodka and heroin, overdoses and scars carved into her skin.
Until fear surrendered its grip.
He lingered in the corner when she lay on her deathbed, downy hair a soft cloud on her pillow, the callous blinks and bleeps of machinery her only company.
“You’re still here, aren’t you?” she asked.
His head rose from his chest, and he dared speak, “Yes.”
“You’ve followed me all these years?”
“Yes.”
“Well, there’s no sense in hiding anymore.”
By inches, he unfurled a shadowed wing, revealing his blackened form, the sharp contours of bone, and embers of his eyes. Congealed darkness swirled aside, traces of old smoke dissipating into the night.
“Why did you haunt me?”
“To learn of love.”
“And did you?”
“I learned that love and pain and forgiveness are companions in this mortal world.”
“So, they are.” She closed her eyes, breath a murmur, and reached out a hand. “If I could live this life again, I would choose differently, my loyal demon.”
“Forgive me,” he whispered, and with skeletal fingers, careful of his claws, he caressed her hand. The yearned-for touch peeled away the char and ash of his skin, the scars that were his wings, and extinguished the blaze in his eyes. As she exhaled her last breath, he plummeted through heaven’s void, white feathers in flames, skin sloughing its beauty in a trail of ash. A shooting star, he plunged into the sea.
The woman wading in the waves ran to save him and halted at the sight of his seared pinions. Undaunted, she plunged into the surf and seized his hand.
***
To read Liz Husebye Hartmann’s winning submission and the honorable mentions for this mega challenge, click here: Carrot Ranch
***
Myths of the Mirror 
Oh I loved the ending! I live for happy endings. This one made my heart glow. Thank you!
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Thanks for stopping by, Milly. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. The process was interesting and insightful; my first time trying it. I like happy endings too. 😀 Happy Writing!
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[…] Source: Fallen Angel […]
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Thank you for sharing. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Ancien Hippie.
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Thanks so much for sharing, Penney. 🙂 Have a great week.
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You did quite well with that exercise, Diana even though it was difficult.The end story was lovely. Happy New Year 2018 to you also. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thanks for the kind comment, Suzanne. I learned a lot as I went through this process. Happy New Year to you and yours! ❤
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This challenge seems to actually be a very good writing process technique. Your story turned out great.
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It was totally new to me and I found it useful in drilling down to the core of the story and the point at which it pivots. The person who designed the process suggests using it on every chapter of a book. I might just do that on my current WIP. Thanks for checking it out and I hope you give it a try. 🙂
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Wow, what a cool insight into the creative process! Thanks for making this available, Diana!
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This was the first time I went through this process, and it was really interesting as a way to drill down to the core of the story. I’m glad you enjoyed seeing how it worked. Happy Writing, my friend.
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That’s quite a challenge. Good job on it!
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Thanks Marcia. I think my eyeballs popped out of my head when I read the rules, but it was fun and I learned a lot in the process. Have a wonderful week!
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Wow…I have just read this for the second time and have to say it is so powerful and just awesome…I have seen these challenges before and our writing group did a very similar one I must say none of them compared to yours Diane your mastery of the written word is just amazing x I loved it!
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Thanks so much, Carol. I spent about a week on this little piece – it was for a competition after all. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I’ve had a little obsession about misunderstood fallen angels and it was fun to work it out on paper. 😀 Have a wonderful week!
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Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.
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Thank you so much for reblogging the story. I appreciate it. Have a wonderful week!
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Thank you for posting. Best wishes for a wonderful week. too. Michael 😉
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Captivating story, Diana, and brilliant piece of writing. I love having insight into your editing process as you whittled your story down to a single line. And the final story was amazing. Actually the first draft wasn’t too shabby either. You are an inspiration!
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Thanks, Molly, for the kind comment. You’re so sweet to me. This was a challenge but also an interesting process to go through. I’m so glad you enjoyed the story. ❤ Have a wonderful, warm Sunday!
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I’m staying warm by staying inside, Diana. I love reading your material since you are a better writer than me and without even meaning to do so, you challenge me to improve and stretch. ❤️
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Give yourself credit, Molly! I could never write with the sense of humor you do. We all have our niches and talents. 😀 I’m glad you’re warm and cozy!
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True that, Diana. Uncommon talent comes in many forms and I know that humor writing is not something everyone can do. I am grateful to have the ability to convey humor since it helps me smooth out life’s wrinkles. ❤️
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I found it really interesting to read the various stages of development of your story, Diana. Thank you for sharing.
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I so appreciate you stopping by to read, Robbie. The process was interesting and quite a challenge. I hope to do more of this as a way of focusing my stories. Have a wonderful, creative week. 🙂
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This is a great testament to the TUFF process. That train just kept picking up speed! Power. I had trouble getting out of the station when I tried it, but still realized the potential of the five steps.
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Thanks, D. I’d never tried this process before and I really liked it. That “picking up speed” is a wonderful compliment. I enjoyed the process of narrowing down the story to it’s core and plan to do this as an exercise with the book I’m working on. Have a wonderful Sunday and Happy Writing!
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This was such an amazing process to watch unfold. All the writers who entered were both brave (to show their writing process in the raw) and bold (to come up with such incredible short stories through the process). Wonderful writing, Diana!
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Thanks so much, Charli. It was an insightful process that I hadn’t done before. I’m going to use it on my current WIP, a full length book, as a way of synthesizing the core theme of the story. Happy Writing!
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If you scroll down on the Flash Fiction tab at Carrot Ranch, you’ll find an infographic I developed that explains how to use TUFF for novel writing.. At any point in your process, I’d love feedback because it’s part of a 3-day workshop I’ll start leading in February. Thank you!
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Oh, thanks for that! I’ll check it out. I plan to go through that for both novels in January, so I’ll let you know!
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Thank you!
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What a wonderful exercise to take part in, Diana. And, you did an amazing job. I felt the woman’s fear, pain, and isolation as she tried to escape what she beheld as a demon. Only on her deathbed did she realize what it was. Wow!! Great job!
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Thanks for stopping by to read, Jan, and for the lovely comment. I’ve been fascinated by fallen angels for some time, and it was gratifying to be able to write it out. Happy Writing!
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Diana, knowing how much I admire your talent, It will come as no surprise to learn I really enjoyed this. Not only for the 99, 59 and 599 stories -all excellent by the way. I looked on it as a lesson in how to turn an idea into a tale worth reading.
From your initial impulse you extracted the same core tale emphasing different elements to suit the length. Each and every one complete in itself. Even the one liner read like an elevator pitch for the concept.
This is just my opinion… so many writers have good ideas, and they go some way into translating those ideas but underestimate the time needed to develop and polish them into a satisfying whole.
For me writing is like a grain of sand in an oyster. The idea niggles and irritates so you have to get it out, by putting it on paper. That is the first layer of the nacre, but it takes many more layers to make a pearl – each one the subject of a single area of focus on pace, character, motivation, language, coherence, etc.
To make something great from the mere good takes patience time and effort. But when you do the quality shines through. There is so much to learn in examining how your pearls link back to the original grain of sand.
Nuff said P
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Thanks so much, Paul. I’d never done this exercise before, so it was insightful for me too. I found myself drilling down to the core of the story and the point on which it pivoted. I love the pearl analogy and it’s true. This story took about a week to write, layering and honing and layering and honing and then letting it bloom. The word constraints meant that every word had to count. Well, enough said, I’m so glad you enjoyed it and appreciate the thoughtful comments. Happy Writing! ❤
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And you Diana Px
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Diana. I am stunned right now. This story touched my heart profoundly and your raw talent and imagination have truly blown my mind. WOW. WOW. WOW. This story is so beautiful and heartbreaking; it will stick with me for a very long time. Your imagination is extraordinary, and I am reading this has blessed my day beyond words. You inspire me immensely, and I am so grateful I found you! Happy New Year to you! Lots of love and hugs!! ❤️ And just for emphasis, one more time…WOW.
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Thanks, Tanya. You are so sweet to leave such a kind and enthusiastic comment. You really made my day and its so appreciated. I’ve been obsessed lately with the idea of misunderstood fallen angels and got to play with that idea here. I’m thrilled that you enjoyed it. Happy New Year to you too, my friend. ❤ Hugs!
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❤️
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Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
The Carrot Ranch Flash Fiction contests came to an end in December and the last challenge was daunting.. with several steps towards a final 599 word story. Head over to Diana Wallace Peach to see how it should be done.. a mesmerising series of flash fiction. Fallen Angel wow.
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Thanks so much for sharing, Sally. What a treat!
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Wow! That is some wonderful writing Diana. You’ve done quite well through this rodeo series at the ranch. I’m watching you! LOL 🙂 xx
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I did well, but more than anything, Debby, I just enjoyed myself. It was so fun. I loved the push of the competition, win or not win. I’m so glad you enjoyed this piece. I’m not sure I’m done with fallen angels… Have a wonderful weekend. ❤
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True, these challenges are exactly that – pushing our creative limits, always a good thing. 🙂 xx
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Marvelous, and I echo Teagans words: you couldn’t write a bad one if you tried.
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Thanks, Jennie. You’re both too kind. Have a wonderful weekend, my friend. 🙂
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We only speak the truth. 😀. You are most welcome, and happy weekend to you!
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Wow just wow Diana…I had to read it twice because the story evoked such emotions from me. This is amazing.
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Thanks so much for the lovely comment, Bel. I’ve had this fascination with misunderstood fallen angels recently, and it was fun to indulge in a little fantasy. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 Happy Travels. 😀
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And I’ve always had a weakness for real life fallen angels 😂 My downfall..🙄
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Ha ha ha. 😀
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Powerful and engaging writing!
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Thanks so much for reading, Cindy. It was an interesting exercise, and I got to indulge my current fascination with fallen angels. 🙂
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oh my god, Diana, this was incredible.
you’re so talented – I’m in awe as well.
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Thank you so much, Jina. It was a fun challenge with all those parts to it, but interesting and insightful to work through. I’m so glad you enjoyed the outcome. Happy Writing!
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A great exercise beautifully written, Diana. Much impressed.x
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Thank you, Judy. It was quite a challenge and a learning experience. I’m delighted that you enjoyed the result. Have a wonderfully creative, joyous, and healthy, happy new year.
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I hope yours is a peaceful 2018, Diana. x
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Stories of transformation always give me chills ~ cellular memory of lives and experiences veiled by the imperative of mortality. And when the story is brilliantly written, the veil, once laden with the crust of corporeality, becomes diaphanous. Reading your work inspires me, Diana. Happy New Year, my friend! ❤
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What a great comment, Tina. It’s one of the best things about writing fantasy – getting to put all that wonder and possibility into something tangible. Stories give it substance and means to communicate the ideas and emotions. I’m so glad you enjoyed this. Happy Writing.
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Great exercise and a great outcome! It was good that you posted every stage of it – I loved seeing how it all evolved. I think I want to try it too.
Your nine-word story is a poem in itself!
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It was a new exercise to me too, Basilike, and it gave me some insights into the core of the story. I’d love for you to give it a try… and dare to post it! I’m certain the result would be amazing. Happy New Year. ❤
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Happy New Year! If anything good comes out of it, I’ll definitely post it!
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I finally read each step of this writing process. Yoy were excellent in each approach.
I didn’t want to “jump in” and not tell you my entire emotional response. Oooh, you must try to enter a contest outside of blogging world with your final entry. . . Please!
I thoroughly could visualize the woman’s tortured journey and the ending helped redeem her rejection of the fallen angel. As well as made me have tears filling my eyes. He found out how heart wrenching love can really be. . .
She chose a different ending with the falling star ending. I liked this new twist you worked into the ending, Diana. A gorgeous entry with a bet; really, my bet to others. . .:
Can anyone forget this story? It will haunt me for quite some time, but also give me Hope. I might change the title to make it more of an intriguing start. . . xo 💖
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Thanks so much for the lovely comment, Robin, and I’m thrilled that you enjoyed the story. I heard once, and don’t remember where, that fallen angels were angels who wanted to experience “the dark side” in order to fully appreciate the “light.” The perspective changed my view of them, and I wanted to show that misinterpretation of their motives here. I have no idea if any of that is “true,” but I find it intriguing. Thanks for the visit, my friend. ❤
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Magnificient, Diana! This story has such a beautiful arc to it, I love how it connects and comes full circle. The process is so interesting, and I’ve never tried anything like it before. I think you did exceptional in all stages of the story. Keep up the beautiful work! xo
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Thanks for the lovely comment, Lana. It was a new process for me too, and I enjoyed how it drilled down to the core of the story. I learned something in the process. Happy Writing, my friend. 🙂
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I imagine this was a satisfying exercise. The different stages of the process work well, and the final result is quite remarkable. And, most of all, the message is a most profound one concerning the reality of love
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Thanks, Derrick. Besides being a flash fiction challenge, it did seem like a writing exercise and I learned a few things in the process. I’m so glad you enjoyed the story. Happy New Year to you and yours. ❤
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Beautiful! That warrants a musical salute:
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The link didn’t work 😦 Would you mind sending it again? I want to see what you selected. 🙂
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The link was BEYOND THE SEA (sung by Bobby Darin), but since it didn’t work, here is the same song in French, which is the more romantic language, and thus probably a more appropriate choice anyway). 🙂
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Very nice. I know that song. It’s a classic! Thanks for the French version too. 🙂
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That is a good exercise for any writing (which I suppose is their point). The most challenging is distilling a long story to one sentence. Nicely done.
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The challenge was presented as a way to drill down to the essential crux of a story, Jacqui. I hadn’t done that before and was thinking about it as a way to get at a logline or focus a blurb. Thanks for stopping by to read, and Happy Writing!
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An excellent exercise and way to show the writing process. From my (admittedly strange) perspective, I liked your first draft. Without the first draft, we writers would have only blank empty boring pages. Your first draft gave you the power, the pain, the grit of the story. The other parts (until the last one) were writing practice of the theme, in my mind. The last story was superb and will stay with me all day.
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That’s exactly how I looked at the middle steps, Pam, a honing down on the core of the story. And I don’t mind the roughness of first drafts at all, though I rarely share them! Just part of the process and typical of most art. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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Wow! Wonderfully crafted story and with such emotional power and impact. I read the last first before starting at the first stage … fascinating to see the process and I’m tempted to try something like this and see what develops.
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This process was new to me, too, Annika, and it was an interesting exercise. The narrowing-down of the word count helped hone in on the core theme and the pivot point. And I’ve never saved a first draft before, so that comparison was eye-opening. Definitely worth a try. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Happy Writing. (PS. I started your book last night. 😀 )
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Diana, I just saw on Sarah’s blog that you had started my book and am so happy!! 😀 I had to smile when that you had to keep reading past your intention of just one story at a time – great to know! Happy Reading, my friend and thank you so much! xxx
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It’s seriously such a pleasure, Annika. After following you for years (and patiently waiting Lol), I couldn’t wait to dive in and read your first book. Congrats!!
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Oh, this is beautiful in all its permutations!
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Thanks, Meeka. I had a lot of fun with all these challenges and got to stretch my skills as well as learn a few things. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Happy Writing!
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-grin- Thank you, same to you. 🙂
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What a fascinating exercise, and it shows your process, D. But the story’s essence came through in each version. Wow.
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Thanks, Van. I’ve never done this process before, so it was interesting and insightful to me as I went through it. Sharing my first draft was a little intimidating for sure! I’m glad you enjoyed the story. A new year begins. 🙂
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Wow! I might have to try that; it became more and more powerful with each rendition.
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It was an interesting exercise, Cage, and one I haven’t done before. It really helped focus the story on a core theme as well as the pivot point. I also usually don’t keep my first drafts, so comparing the two was eye-opening. Give it a try, and Happy Writing!
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thanks!
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Oh! A happy ending, I’m so relieved. I felt so bad for the fallen angel… The final draft is amazing, really.
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Thanks, Kathryn. This one was like 5 challenges in one. They were all great fun, but I’m glad they’ve wound down. A quieter January(?). I hope you had an awesome holiday. Happy New Year. 😀
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New Year has started out with a bang. Hubby had cataract surgery yesterday, and daughter’s purse got stolen out of her car and her bank account got hacked. Hernia surgery next for hubby. Never a dull moment! Happy New Year to you too!
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Oh no. So much for a nice peaceful January. I know you’ll all come through it with flying colors, but sending hugs along anyway. ❤
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Thank you my friend! Just found out hubby also has skin cancer on his nose. I’m ready to kick 2018 to the curb, I tell you! Can’t make this stuff up… sheesh.
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Oh, Kathryn. Bad news, but hopefully an early catch. Sending lots of light and love your way and praying for a speedy recovery on all fronts. ❤ ❤ ❤
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I thought you did this so well, Diana. I was certainly reading it with envy at how you managed to tell your story so eloquently with each number of words you had! 🙂
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Thanks, Judy. This took me about a week to write and get all those word counts in order! I’m glad you enjoyed it. The challenges were great fun. 🙂
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Yes they were, although pretty tricky at the same time! 🙂
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I’m in awe. What a neat process, and so brave of you to share all 5 stages. Very enjoyable.
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I mentioned in another comment that sharing that unedited step was like showing everyone my underwear. Ha ha. Thanks for visiting, Michelle. Your comment made me smile. 😀
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Like your written word Sir. You got da gift. As well, thanks for the read and follow.
Ryan Donovan
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You’re welcome, Ryan. Thanks for stopping by to read, and I’m glad you enjoyed the little story. Happy New Year. 🙂
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I’m in awe and agree with Teagan – you couldn’t write a bad story if you tried.
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What a sweet thing to say, Teri. Thanks for the smile. I had fun with these challenges while slogging through the first draft of the next tome. I hope you have a happy and creative new year.
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Very cool idea, and I love your end result!
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It was quite a challenge, Carrie. I didn’t like preserving the free write, but the comparison was interesting and something I’ve never done before. Sharing it was like showing everyone my underwear. Ha ha. Happy New Year, my friend. 😀
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Ha about the underwear. 😄 And Happy New Year to you too!
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I really enjoyed seeing your 5 stages in this challenge Diana. You have such a gift for writing.
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Thanks so much, Steph. I’ve never gone through this process before and I learned a thing or two by doing it, particularly about getting to the heart of a story. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. ❤
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I really did and was thinking if I didn’t have so much on my plate it would be a good exercise if for no better reason than exercising my brain. I’ve noticed I began having a hard time recalling words and even finding descriptions of words that I used to know. This part of getting older is so frustrating.
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My wordiness seems alive and well, it’s everything else that seems to be sagging. 🙂
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Hahaha I’m not laughing at you. I’m thoroughly laughing with you 😀
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😀
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❤
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Wonderful story, Dianna! I completely agree with Pauline’s comment. Happy New Year!
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Thanks so much, Jill. It was quite a challenge, but an insightful way to get at the core of the story. Happy Creative New Year. 🙂
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Diana it is a marvelous story. You couldn’t write a bad one if you tried. While I doubt this was much of a challenge for you, I think this process would be educational for most of us. I’m intrigued. Happy New Year, my friend. Hugs.
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The process was new to me, Teagan, and really got down to the core theme or “pivot point” of this story. I’m not sure it’s something I will do regularly, but it was insightful. Thanks for stopping by to read, and Happy New Year! 🙂
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Oh how I like this! You made me weep and I thought I was wept out. There is always more and always opportunities to change, to redeem , to live again! Beautiful!!
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Thanks so much, Pauline. I’m sorry that the story drew out a few tears, but I’m glad you enjoyed it. Yes, never too late – the world is far more wondrous than we’ll ever know, and anything is possible. ❤
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