
Amazing artwork by Peter Pham
The day is half over and I open the door to my writing room. My coffee sloshes over the rim at my sudden halt. The man’s jaw swivels my way, and I swallow. “Um…Who are you?”
“Your muse,” he growls.
“Oh.” I edge into the room and leave the door cracked for a quick escape. “Where’s my other one? You know, the… usual one?”
He stares at me like I’m a bug. “She hired me.”
“You’re a mercenary muse?” I trap a nervous laugh behind my lips. The guy looks cranky. Dried sweat coats his bulging muscles, and bloody grit etches the gold lions adorning his skimpy outfit.
He points a finger at a wooden chair, my humming laptop on the table beside it. “I’m here to make sure you keep your commitments.”
“What commitments?” I sit, my smile as shaky as my hands.
“Summer off, then a new series, full time, starting September first.” He taps his ragged fingernails on the armrest. “Your muse thinks you’re an oil-tongued shirker who’ll attempt to cut yourself a part-time deal. I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
“Oh, that. Well, I’ll have you know, the prep work is coming along nicely.” I lift my chin, every speck of rickety indignation putting on a solid show, and I turn my laptop so he can see. “In fact, I’ve created a map!”
His lips curl in a sneer. “Don’t get cute. She says you love making maps, so that doesn’t count. What about the rest? The bios?”
“Ninety percent done.” I show him the files – images and profiles for all main characters and most secondaries. “I’m still tweaking, but you know they don’t settle in until the story starts. World building is progressing too. I have sea-cliffs, waterfalls, and cities with layers of arching bridges. And, I’ve got a great magic system.”
I wasn’t expecting applause, but a smidgeon of encouragement wouldn’t have hurt. Instead, his little pellets for eyes are waiting to pelt me. “What about the outline?”
I wince. The story is there, but the goals and obstacles aren’t strong enough. The subplots are solid, but the main plot is nebulous at best. That’s a huge problem. My muse-from-hell leans forward in his throne and does he ever smell ripe. He opens his mouth, revealing a rack of chipped teeth, and spits out two words, “It sucks.”
“Gah! I know!” I wilt in my chair. “I should have started working on it sooner. This is a tough one because –“
“You have one week to finish your outline.”
“But–“
“One week.” He leans back. “Then I want two thousand words a day, six days a week, and I’m being generous.”
I bite my lips and do the math. It’s a stretch, but I can probably manage it. “But what about blogging? I’ve been blogging ten hours a day…”
“You’re going to write in the mornings,” he orders. “It’s your most creative time. Two thousand words, and then you can blog all you want.”
“That’s going to cut my blogging time in half,” I whine. “It’ll already be night in the UK when I just get started.”
“They’ll survive. They’re grown-ups.”
“But I enjoy blogging. I’m going to miss posts.” I know he’s right, but I’m already undergoing blog-withdrawal.
He scowls at me. “She said you’d snivel, but I didn’t think you’d be this pathetic.”
“You don’t need to be so mean about it.” I push out my lower lip. Yeesh, what a hard ass. “Fine. I’ll write in the morning, blog after I reach my quota.”
His grin turns my stomach. “One other thing.”
“Now, what?”
“You need to exercise.”
“You’re kidding me. My muse told you that?”
“She didn’t need to. I can see it myself. One hour a day. Cardio and strengthening.”
“Oh, this is just great. A muse who doubles as a personal trainer.” I hate his smug smirk. “Where do I find the time to do that?”
“Figure it out.” On his feet, the guy hulks over me like a troll, and I lean so far back I’m close to toppling my chair. He taps my chin with his meaty fist. “I’ll be checking in; don’t disappoint me.”
I roll my eyes and rub my forehead, a muse-induced headache forming behind my eyes. Through the window, I watch him clomp down the steps from my writing room and join my other muse, The Traitor, in the driveway. They share a good laugh. Damn muses. I wish they weren’t right.
Guess I better get to work.
***
Needless to say, I’ll be switching around my blogging schedule. Though I’ll miss a few posts here and there, I’ll be visiting as much as I’m able. Enjoy the last of August, and Happy Blogging.
[…] The next muse came straight out of Conan, the Barbarian. It was the mercenary muse who has plagued Diana, over at Myths in the Mirror. […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh. Now I have to head over and see what your muse if up to. Lol.
LikeLike
[…] My muse hasn’t been the same since she broke up with the love of her life, Discipline, (who is also D. Wallace Peach’s muse). […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Uh oh. What have those muses been up to? Heading over to see.
LikeLike
[…] and took the summer off to rest. Instead of popping the cork on a bottle of champagne, she hired a mercenary muse, and abruptly my break was over. The guy was a hulking brute with a bad attitude and worse breath. […]
LikeLike
[…] Muse for HireIn “The Adventure of Writing” […]
LikeLike
[…] I reflect on Muses. I’ve been reflecting since reading over Mike Allegra‘s and D. Wallace Peach‘s characterizations of Muses. The former described his as an ice cream-stealing rat (an […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Muse? Seems more like a drill instructor!
LikeLiked by 1 person
He’s a baddie, Sean! But he’s getting the job done! I should have the first drafts of two books (a duology) done by mid-December, latest. I need the make-believe characters to put the pressure one. Silly, but it works. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
The act of writing fiction itself is kind of silly, so whatever works should be embraced!
LikeLiked by 1 person
True! 😀 I never thought of writing as silly on the whole, but yes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, “silly,” not silly. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is funny! Probably rings true for most writers but especially for me. Last November I found a whole group of weird aliens sitting at my desk. I had been writing poems about old one-room schools and these guys wanted me to write about them! I heeded the call and followed all their demands. What a weird choice of career … being a writer!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha ha. I love it. Yes, it is a weird choice of career. These characters totally take on a life of their own and they’re often so persistent! Thanks for reading and I’m glad you got a laugh. 🙂 Happy Writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Joy Lennick and commented:
Surely inspired by ‘the Gods’?! Fabulous. Best seller material.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much for sharing, Joy. The muse has been cracking his knuckles and keeping me in line. 🙂 Happy Friday and Happy Writing!
LikeLike
I originally started my blog in hopes that “mini-deadines” would help me finish a few books languishing on my hard drive. Hah! It has eaten my life whole as the books languish still.
Even tho’ I truly abhor ap-world, I think I may need to get one of those “muse-calls.” 🙂 I hope she turns out to be a seductress and isn’t friends with yours, however. I don’t respond well to tough love.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
ADD/EFD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to educate a world!”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I need strong, hard deadlines and threats, Madelyn. Ha ha. The tough-love muse is helping quite a bit. 🙂 I hope you find a gentler but effective muse. It would be great to finish your books! Happy Writing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Diana. Good everything as you work on your WIP as well.
xx,
mgh
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] to the decidedly unratty Diana at Myths of the Mirror for serving as my muse for this […]
LikeLiked by 2 people
[…] D. Wallace Peach (Diana) wrote a brilliant post about her muse who betrayed her by hiring a thug to make her accountable. As is so often the case, when one person shares such a personal experience, it gives others the courage to share theirs. […]
LikeLiked by 2 people
Very a”muse”ing. Good luck on curtainling the blogging. I have the same problem. Addictive as chocolate. (I can do without the crack cocaine.)
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oops.. make that “curtailing,” although you may wish to line your curtains as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! I didn’t even notice. 😀
LikeLike
Thanks for reading, Judy. Today my muse is grumbling, but I explained it’s because of all this muse-friends showing up! Glad you were a’mused. 😀
LikeLike
[…] post about her muse, the blogosphere is full of muses. You can read about Diana’s muse here: https://mythsofthemirror.com/2017/08/25/muse-for-hire/ – so far the scariest of them […]
LikeLiked by 2 people
Rough taskmaster-
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know! He’s keeping me on schedule for the most part and it feels good to be so productive. Thanks for stopping by to read. 🙂 Have a lovely week. ❤
LikeLike
[…] from Diana’s disciplinarian muse. Thanks dear […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] in pubs anymore, love. Not here, anyway. There’ll be a half dozen of us or so. D’s mercenary muse, A’s Moka and her cousin, G’s muse“–he counts off on his […]
LikeLiked by 2 people
[…] by – and thanks to – Diana of Myths of the Mirror. Check out her fearsome […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] check out Diana’s hilarious post about her muse. Thanks, Diana, for the fun read and inspiration to spend some quality, fictional time with our own […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Different muses for different moods – I think mine is completely out there. Loved reading this – sorry I’m way behind (hate when life gets in the way of reading and writing blogs) 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your muse might be having too much fun, Bel. Never apologize for choosing real life over life in front of a screen. I hope you’re having a few adventures, too! ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow. You have a great schedule going! And, if you manage to get that hour exercise in as well, I”m even doubly impressed! It sounds to me that this book is half written already. Or at least half created. Some muse pressure once is a while is probably not a bad thing. 🙂 Great story!
LikeLiked by 2 people
One week down, Liesbet, and so far so good on the writing and exercising. I’m still tweaking the plot, but that is pretty normal for me. I need the muse pressure otherwise I’m super lazy. Thanks for the visit and Have a great weekend!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Clever…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Steve. The muse is satisfied so far. I just need to keep it up. Happy Writing. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
And to you 😎
LikeLiked by 1 person
This was amusing! Question: What final word count is your goal? Is this for a YA book? I know children’s picture books are supposed to be between 500-1000, but not sure about middle school and YA word counts. Don’t expect to hear from you for a while… That muse of yours is your “gate keeper” right now! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m keeping up with blogging and writing and exercising for now. But then dinner has shifted to 8:30 at night! I write YA-ish/adult fantasy and I suspect this will probably be a duology, so I’m expecting a total of 180-200K combined. I’ve knocked off about 10K in the past six days, so the muse is satisfied… for now. Five months to go! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
You can do it! My gosh, I need a muse like yours OR a fire breathing dragon who burns up pages that aren’t worthy of publishing and then a fairy godmother who salvages things for me. :). Thank you for putting me in fantasy world. Now… I’ll let you get back to your 2,000 words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] maybe I have a new muse that is all about writing schedules ala D. Wallace’s Muse for Hire. Personally, I’d much rather have a muse like Greg from Almost Iowa. His muse is playful, […]
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just brilliant!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Effective too, Lynne. So far so good – not that 4 days is much to brag about. 😀 We’re working out the scheduling kinks, but the rising word count is a great incentive. Happy Writing. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think your muse has been talking to my muse – about exercise anyway. Gah! I am not amused. Best wishes for your change of schedule. I hope it works wonders for you. (PS Fantastic post! Very creative. Your muses have nothing to worry about.)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Four days down, Norah. I’m being a little flexible with the schedule day to day but meeting the goals. The muse really is helping. He has brothers, if you’re interested. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m pleased it’s working for you. I’ll keep his brothers in mind. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am proud and amazed you had 305 comments, Diana! You’ve gone viral!!
Congratulations on hiring this rugged, harsh muse. . .
I can imagine how strict this schedule would be.
Seriously though, ten hours allotted to blogging is way too much.
Take it easy and be careful. That Muse is going to drive you crazy. He is one tough cookie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So far so good, Robin, though its only been 4 days. The muse is keeping me in line! It was a crazy busy post! Ha ha. Thanks for adding to the fun 😀
LikeLike
Delightful Marian, and underneath all that armor, quite handsome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He’s a little too bulky for me, but I agree he’s fit! Ha ha ha. So far (3 days) he hasn’t needed to crack the whip. Thanks for the visit, Patricia. Happy Writing!
LikeLike
This is adorable, Diana. Maybe you need some chocolate to buy him off if you don’t meet your word count commitment one day. You know, just in case. Not that you would ever reach for a piece in moment of weakness. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
So far so good, Cathleen (even though it’s only been 2 days). We’re cutting wood today so the word count may suffer a bit – but the exercise won’t! 😀 Enjoy the long weekend!
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] I wasn’t expecting applause, but a smidgeon of encouragement wouldn’t have hurt. Instead, his little pellets for eyes are waiting to pelt me. Continue Reading . . . […]
LikeLike
Hmm, I could use a muse like him to “crack the whip.” I wonder if he has a brother, preferable as hunky as she is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just hop over to Google images and type in “fantasy warrior,” Lyn. Ha ha. One of them will pick you out. But beware, they’re hard to fire once hired. 🙂
LikeLike
WOW! My muse doesn’t look like at all this hunk and is much less demanding. I love blogging but I know I too may have to cut back a little after I get my manuscript back from another beta reader, I hope very soon.
Onward and upward!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it’s something we all have to manage, Marian since both blogging and writing are time-consuming enterprises. Shifting around priorities is part of the process. Good luck with your manuscript! Happy Writing 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person