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I am Worldmaker: Changing Perspective

Fantasy-fantasy-8931763-1440-900

A couple weeks ago I posted I am Worldmaker. It was a first person flash piece based on the image above. As an exercise in point of view, this time I switched it all around, retelling it from a completely different perspective. What do you think?

Worldmaker: Take Two

The bathroom latch clicked closed, and the old woman turned to shuffle down the hallway. Her gaze swept her granddaughter’s door, the picture thumbtacked at eye level beckoning her to pause.

Pinned above the “No Trespassing” sign, the image was silly fantasy, of course. Not real art worthy of inspection. Or introspection. Yet, the crystalline gaze drew her near. The pale eyes compelled her tears and awakened a dormant longing at her core. There was power there, a dare, an offering, an accusation.

The gray woman blinked and held her breath as the unseen rip in her heart began to fray. What peered through that unraveling gap bore the annihilating finality of regret and death. For in that visage, she beheld the lapse of her youth, risks denied in the name of conformity and security, the dimming of her own light so that others might shine. Long ago, she’d settled for a deadening compromise with dull mediocrity.

Once she possessed that allure, the smooth sunless skin and full lips, the seductive tilt of her head that shadowed a temptress’s eyes. She too once held a blazing array of futures at her fingertips, worlds of her own making begging for birth. Why hadn’t she seen them, clutched them, owned the fiery possibilities poised above the palm of her hand?

How many years ago had she beckoned with that gaze, wielded her power and offered the sublime mysteries of an ardent heart? She’d dared her desire to turn away and he’d stayed. Yet, why had she stopped there? Why was that enough in a world of shifting boundaries? Why had she ceased feeding her life’s fires, watched the embers cool and turn to powdery ash?

The answer was no secret.

Her gnarled fingers trembled as she touched the petal-thin skin of her cheek, tracing the invisible runes. Other fingers had caressed that cheek, seen the indelible beauty in her soul. There were no regrets there, at least.

The ice-green eyes demanded her attention. The image extended her hand in offering, the power to create still awaiting her choice. She studied the picture for something she’d missed.

“Oh my,” she whispered, a hand to her lips.

A smile rose to the ancient face. She placed her fingertips on the burning globe, not on the world dying in a crimson inferno, but on the world newly born, the unfathomable promises and possibilities of an unknown future.

She untacked the picture from her granddaughter’s door. Respectful of the “No Trespassing” sign, she knocked, fully intending to engage in a bit of trespassing.

“What?” the teenage exasperation questioned from within.

The old woman opened the door, the image trembling in her extended hand. “I’d like to talk with you about this.”

Her pale-eyed granddaughter looked up, eyes fearless, blond hair falling forward and framing her face, her lips a perfect bow. She saw the picture in her grandmother’s hands and smiled. “I already know.”

 

85 thoughts on “I am Worldmaker: Changing Perspective”

  1. Marje @ Kyrosmagica says:
    September 11, 2016 at 11:58 am

    Powerful piece of writing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sacha Black says:
    September 10, 2016 at 11:07 pm

    What do I think? I think it’s beautiful, I always tell u this but your powers of imagery are off the chart. I love the image of gnarled fingers too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. L. T. Garvin, Author says:
    September 10, 2016 at 6:32 pm

    Diana, I loved this too. I could really understand the older woman’s feelings and the reflection of youth and age. I love the line: “sublime mystery of an ardent heart.” You are a great storyteller. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Carol A. Hand says:
    September 7, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    For me, viewing the world through the eyes of an older woman touched my heart and drew forth empathy. The first version engaged my intellectual imagination, but I found the character somewhat incomprehensible and unlikable. It’s interesting given the differences between point of view language. Intuitively, I would anticipate the opposite reaction – first person bringing me inside the character’s thoughts and third person view making me feel distant. Fascinating experiment and elegant writing in both. Bravo, Diana!

    Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      September 7, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      Thanks, Carol. I’m with you. The first character is lacking a bit of empathy, I’d say. She has the arrogance of a god and if I were writing her story, I’d be taking her down a notch or seven as part of her arc. The older woman is full of pathos and much more human to me. This was a fun experiment for sure 🙂 Thanks for the insightful comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Mary J. McCoy-Dressel says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:50 am

    I went back to read the first one again. Both versions are very compelling and I can’t say I love one more than the other. They both draw you right in and are pleasing to read and feel.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Antonia says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:32 am

    Wonderful Diana! “Yet, the crystalline gaze drew her near.”…..You are such an amazing writer!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Morgan says:
    September 7, 2016 at 5:44 am

    Absolutely marvelous 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. inesephoto says:
    September 6, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    Enjoyed reading your exercise, Diana. Changing perspective is the same as creating another world.

    Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      September 7, 2016 at 6:32 am

      Thanks for reading, Inese. It does change things if we immerse ourselves in the characters. Part of the fun of writing is figuring which character’s interpretation of the world to go with 🙂 Hope you have a wonderful day ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Steven Baird says:
    September 6, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    What a great exercise, and so well written. I used to write almost exclusively first person, but I’ve come to really enjoy third person… it seems to add a little more depth. Wonderful writing, Diana!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Teagan Geneviene says:
    September 6, 2016 at 11:44 am

    First, Diana, it’s a great idea for an exercise!
    Now… I’m practically kicking my heels against my desk in glee. This is a wonderful piece. Such depth in so few words. Now I want to re-read the first one. Mega hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. roughwighting says:
    September 6, 2016 at 11:21 am

    First, sometimes as a writer, when I read an amazing story/book and think, ‘Oh man, I could never write that well,’ I go away with my tail between my legs. Well, you make me do that. :-0 In only the nicest way, of course.
    Second, I LOVE the idea of using the same prompt-picture, and writing from it first from the 1st person POV, then the 3rd. I’m definitely going to do this with my writing class. In your story here, for some reason I most relate to/get hooked into the 3rd POV version (this one). Perhaps because of the 3-levels here as babbitman explains so well, above.
    Bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      September 6, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      A great thing to do with your class, Pam! See if you can get them to change more than the pov, too. This exercise was supposed to really try get as much of a 180 as possible. Someone else mentioned that he liked the first one best. I love that we all relate in different ways. And thanks for the lovely compliment 🙂 I’m tickled ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. shaunkellett says:
    September 6, 2016 at 7:32 am

    I was a big fan of the original piece, it’s what drew me to your blog originally. I love this take on it; I think this works as a section for a much bigger piece, whereas the original reads more like a one off… Both have their merits, with the original being a personal favourite just from how much it captivated me on first reading!

    Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      September 6, 2016 at 7:54 am

      Thanks, Shaun. I enjoy doing these short pieces. They’re almost SoC as I don’t have to think about the bigger picture at all and can just follow the muse. Plus there’s only 500 words to toil over instead of 100,ooo. Ha ha. Thanks for the visit – much appreciated. Happy writing.

      Liked by 1 person

      • shaunkellett says:
        September 7, 2016 at 1:21 am

        I enjoy these too, it’s why I try to do so many Photo prompts. It’s a great break from a main piece of work. Being able to think about something without a larger picture… I do often find that they tend to inspire my mind to thinking of bigger pieces…

        Liked by 1 person

  13. reocochran says:
    September 5, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    maid = made. Silly cell phone! xo Great designing and crafting, turning the story and upending it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. reocochran says:
    September 5, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    Visiting a little late, Diana. Thank you for sharing a cherished “piece” of what I feel is the “puzzle of your crafting a story.”
    I like this since people may start with the present it current poster which leads us back in time to where choices were maid and plans were mislaid. Beautiful styling in this one, D. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Susanne says:
    September 5, 2016 at 4:53 pm

    My middle daughter is a BIG fantasy fan so I shall have to introduce her to you. I think she’d like this very much. After reading this story, I went back and read the first. The two seem one piece to me although told from different POVs. This one is mysterious without the first but in a good way. It makes you reread to try and work it out and the fact that you want to reread means its well written.

    Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      September 5, 2016 at 6:04 pm

      Thanks, Susanne. They go together but loosely. It was an exercise meant to take a prompt and write about it from completely different perspectives. I like doing these short pieces. I don’t have to plan out a whole plot and can just go for it! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Khaya Ronkainen says:
    September 5, 2016 at 9:44 am

    Love your writing; rich prose and vivid images, e.g. “the dimming of her own light so that others might shine.” Such a beautiful and well-written story!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. sargondorsai says:
    September 5, 2016 at 9:11 am

    Continually pushing your boundaries and exploring your art. That’s one of the fun things about writing. Trying out different perspectives, different views of the same story.

    I’ve tried that with some of my stories. Tried different perspectives. Tried limiting the amount of information I give myself, my characters, my audience. Tried different ways of looking at things.

    I feel that you successful captured the shift in perspectives here. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      September 5, 2016 at 9:17 am

      Thanks, Matt. It takes time to play around, but as you’ve pointed out, the experience is worth it. Plus, I get a blog post out of it! Thanks for visiting and happy labor day. I wish the weather was a bit more cooperative 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Heartafire says:
    September 5, 2016 at 8:42 am

    So wonderful…you are truly inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. babbitman says:
    September 5, 2016 at 8:23 am

    Once again you’ve produced a cracking piece of writing. I love the fact that this can work on 3 levels: 1) straight fiction where the grandmother is reflecting on her life; 2) fantasy, where there is some kind of ethereal link between grandmother, granddaughter and the picture; 3) the grandmother is actually the Worldmaker who took on human form in the first story and who has only just realised who she is. Or possibly all of the above at the same time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Windmills of My Mind says:
    September 5, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Creativity is the imagination, perspective is psychologically clever! Loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Everyday Adventures at Home... Hurrah! says:
    September 5, 2016 at 6:49 am

    “…the power to create still awaiting her choice”. Wow. I enjoyed how you played with the perspectives, based on the same prompt for inspiration. It was fascinating to read your first piece, and then this second one. Somehow, this second piece made me enjoy both pieces more. Wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Meg Sorick says:
    September 5, 2016 at 6:29 am

    Wonderful, Diana!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Richard Ankers says:
    September 5, 2016 at 6:19 am

    The sign of a class act when you can do that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. boundlessblessingsblog says:
    September 5, 2016 at 6:10 am

    Everything changes with time no one waits for anyone

    Liked by 1 person

  25. thelittlelai: Beyond limits says:
    September 5, 2016 at 5:35 am

    You’re always feeding us with an interesting article to read. Thank you so much Diana!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. joannesisco says:
    October 23, 2015 at 5:36 am

    Wow. Loved this. I was pulled into the story by your words that strongly convey the feelings that everyone can relate to at some point – regret and lost opportunity.
    I loved the ending … more like an opening than a closing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      October 23, 2015 at 8:58 am

      Thanks, Joanne. As I’ve gotten older, I think more in terms of legacy… A big part of that is love. But I also believe the universe is far more mysterious than we realize and therefore, the possibilities are limitless. 🙂 A fantasy writer at heart!

      Like

  27. Writing Prompts from Everywhere | Writing on the Pages of Life says:
    June 2, 2015 at 3:44 am

    […] new story by retelling another story she wrote earlier. The second time around, she told it from the perspective of a different character. Taking her cue from an online site that offers lessons for writers, Diana writes about the […]

    Like

  28. Nicholas C. Rossis says:
    June 1, 2015 at 9:49 am

    Wow!

    Liked by 3 people

  29. Jack Ronald Cotner says:
    May 31, 2015 at 6:50 pm

    Perspective, as they say, is everything. Well done!

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Suzanne Joshi says:
    May 30, 2015 at 9:13 am

    Once more, lovely description, Diana. I could picture the old woman and her actions. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  31. Rosanna says:
    May 30, 2015 at 1:21 am

    It’s interesting how things change when the perspective changes. I wonder how the story would read if it were written from the point of view of the old woman….

    Liked by 3 people

    • D. Wallace Peach says:
      May 30, 2015 at 1:41 am

      It was fun to turn everything upside down. We’ll see how many weeks I can keep this up. Next week’s lesson is definitely something I’ve never done before.

      Like

  32. familyrulesbyplainjane says:
    May 29, 2015 at 11:34 pm

    Cool!

    Liked by 2 people

  33. vanbytheriver says:
    May 29, 2015 at 5:27 pm

    Ahh..I see what you did there, Diana. Nice job. ❤️ Van

    Liked by 4 people

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