image from pixshark.com
This one was hard! Yep, hard.
I continue to stick with my writing challenge – an attempt to complete the weekly writing lessons offered by Hubert O’Hearn’s Writer’s Pro Shop. This one is on writing dialog and here’s the link for more detail on the exercise: Writer’s Pro Shop, Exercise Three.
The gist of Lesson 3:
Write a 4-character scene using only dialogue. You may not identify the characters. Only the actual conversation can be written down. Each of your four characters must speak 4 to 6 lines or sides of dialogue. Your goal is that a reader knowing nothing of the scene should be able to determine what is happening as well as identify the individual speakers.
Here goes:
image from sojo.net
“Does my lipstick look okay? I’m running late. Oh, honey, I have a meeting after work, so you’ll have to handle soccer pick-up.”
“I made you breakfast. You said you wanted breakfast.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. No time. I gotta go.”
“Who’s gonna pick me up at soccer?”
“I can’t. Really, buddie. I’ve got a crazy schedule today. Someone else will have to chauffeur today. Oh, and I need my dry-cleaning dropped off. Can you coordinate the cleaners with picking him up?”
“I’ll have to check my busy laundry and vacuuming schedule.”
“Don’t get testy with me. It isn’t my fault you were laid off. And this role-reversal thing was your idea.”
“Can you two argue about the dork’s soccer ride somewhere else? I’m on the phone.”
“Don’t call people dorks. And we’re not arguing, just discussing the fact that someone doesn’t care that I’m busting my butt at the office all day.”
“And someone else doesn’t seem to have time for her family anymore.”
“So who’s picking me up? The coach gets mad when he has to drive me.”
“Hello, everyone. I’m still on the phone.”
“Go talk somewhere else, princess dork. You’re not the boss of everyone.”
“I can’t, Your Dorkness. I’m watching T.V. while I talk.”
“Alright, I’m leaving. I’m late and I’m done with this conversation. We’ll talk tonight.”
“Fine. Go to your meeting. And you, I’ll pick you up at five on the dot since I’m doing everything else around here.”
“Never mind. I’ll just ask the coach, and he’ll just yell at me.”
“O. M. G. I’ll call you later. I’ll pick him up, okay. I can’t wait ’til the summer’s over.”
Myths of the Mirror 
Great work. The dialogue was crystal clear and very natural. I felt like I was sitting in the kitchen listening to a real conversation.
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Thank you! I was trying to do these exercises weekly but have fallen behind a touch. I think they’re going to be monthly:) Thanks for stopping by.
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I’ll add my “kudos,” as well as saying that the exercise itself was inspiring. I once came across about 10 years of back issues of “Writer’s Digest.” In each issue, a writing contest was presented. Though I could no longer enter to win, I did sit down and complete the tasks anyway. I’ve always loved that kind of restraint-driven, puzzle-like writing exercise. Keeps the mind and skills sharp.
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Thanks Eric. I especially like the ones that stretch me to try something new.
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That was good, Diana. The references you added make it easy to followi who was speaking. It sounded natural. 🙂
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Thank you, Suzanne:)
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I have to commend you Diane, I’m much too lazy to do stuff like this! Very well done.
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I’m lazy too, Riley:) It does double duty because I get to post it.
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Never considered that x D
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This DOES seem like a tough one. You did a great job! I can see them in my mind’s eye! They are already becoming round characters.
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Thanks so much. My final addition to it was adding all the “dork” comments. I thought it added some personality.
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Makes sense to me. A day in the life of a real modern family. You even made the attitude apparent. Nicely done. ☺ Van
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As a writer of fantasy, I don’t delve into these “modern” dynamics much. Yet this is what came out of my head. If I had nothing else to do (ha ha) I’d try another one with more humor.
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It’s important to pay attention to those things that just “come out” of one’s head. That’s the most authentic stuff, I think. ☺
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You did a really great job with this challenge and I had no problem at all following what was going on and who it was saying each line. Well done.
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I’m glad it was easy to follow. Thanks!
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Impressive! And all this without using strong accents and the such!
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Thanks, Dawn:) No accents, and though tempted, I didn’t put “mom” and “dad” into the dialog.
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Yes, I know! Well done!
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When I read the prompt, I had to roll my eyes. “That’s impossible!”
Yet, when I read your dialogue, I was shocked at how effortless you made it all sound. Wow, that was some fine writing!
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It wasn’t easy and I tweaked it a lot before posting. Thank goodness we don’t have to write like this. Can you imagine?
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I got it! Clear as a bell who was saying what….family of four! Like the dialogue too! Could be a typical family scene! Christine
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Since I write fantasy, this felt really foreign. Glad you could follow!
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This is really good. What an interesting exercise. It can be challenging to have a scene between more than two central characters, and I think you pulled it off brilliantly.
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Thanks, Carrie. I almost didn’t post it, but challenging myself in more ways than one:)
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Well, I’m glad you did. I might have to try that exercise sometime.
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I think you did a great job, it reads clear and makes sense.
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Thank you. It isn’t how and what I usually write, so it did feel like a stretch.
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I completely understand, I’ve never really seen dialogue between four people without any of them being named. You did a great job creating ‘voices’ for all four.
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🙂
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